~ thoughts ~

preview

2006-06-01T00:44:00.000+08:00

even though it's not 100% completed. but i think it's possible to do a special preview already =)

if you are still interested to know about the not-very-interesting happenings of stupidchild, please note that groundes is not gonna be in use very soon.
starting afresh, stupidchild introduces her blog of her own:

http://stupidchild.wordpress.com

moving on, blogging is no longer a matter of penning down the memories of each passing day; it carries a special role to update friends whom i care and who care of what's happening to me. this is important for stupidchild leads an upside-down, isolated, no-life's life for 8 out of 12 months in a year !!!

WAT !!!

2006-05-26T00:26:00.000+08:00

though there aint many readers, but in case u wonder why the long lag between this and the last post, that's becos:

groundes is currently "under-going contruction" !

hmm or rather i shd say it's undergoing "transformation". the testing-period for using Wordpress had been quite a while...and it seemed good so far *nods head*. i was self-taught to post picures via some Wordpress FAQ. though the same dumb thing of losing whatever you type when you tried to post it still happen (YESTERDAY!!!!), i shall shift the blame to server error instead. hope to put a fresher look to the default template that i'm using currently.

hee...and unofficial launching of new-groundes is nearing.

and if you say it is a coincidence, you can say that again! just saw that freak is moving her 3yr old blog to another interface as well. very ja-pa-nese (yeah...i cant even figure out how to put a comment among the jap words haha) !

well everyone, it's a new step taken: groundes had matured. time to move on and disclose the real identity. and more exposure for the new groundes definitely.

promises

2006-05-03T01:53:00.000+08:00

promised:

to be happy.

r u happy? am i happy?

*think think think*

writing in the office

2006-05-02T23:52:00.000+08:00

It’s really a great view outside.

The luxurious condo; the slowing moving cargoes on the waters; the going-to-be-closed Kallang Indoor stadium (where I saw the BOYS like 4 months back!). All of these spread across me at this very moment.

Wished I was really in a hotel suite. Rather than the “suite” as referred to by the controller, Ka ling (to note, that was what I heard), which she meant as our makeshift office for the following 2 months.

The room was exactly the same as 2 years ago. The cheena decor and (yesh!) the cheena chairs that are very nice to look at but not-nice-at-all to sit on for someone who has long-but-yet-short-when-compared-to-others legs like me.

I can already sensed that Cargill this year is definitely NOT like what my buddy had described: Very relaxed ONE!! Seriously I had chose not to trust Ray’s description about things being easy and relax ever again since MAS 612.

Well, though ah ya might have been rattling non stop throughout the meeting (for like AN HOUR or so), some of his words did make sense to me. Precisely cos I had told myself I must not be like what I was in CS again.

Confidence is the key!
While I build on that confidence, I must get rid of the Laziness that had been building up in me since NTU days.

I sounded motivated? Hmm, the next time when I read this entry, I would want to have done what I achieved to do.
And remained, motivated.

*back to work*

心锁。。。解开了否？

2006-04-24T23:24:00.000+08:00

感觉好像卸下一块压在胸口，整整四个月的大石头.
呼吸突然很顺畅; 说话也变得容易些。
虽然这一切还没告一段落；虽然预料不到的事还会再发生；虽然前面有还有很多很多的问号；但在这一刻，一切是那么的平静。
多希望这种平静能一直持续下去, 固然这是不可能的。

不要紧；一点关系也没有。因为只要在这一刻，可以让我感受得到这期盼已久的感觉，我真的就很满足了。

一家人要心连心，不仅仅要有对彼此存有爱；还讲求一个信字。
少了那份信任，就像是丢失了一把钥匙；一把开启心锁的钥匙。如让怀疑和猜测存在着，那心将会锁地越来越紧。

如果你还没找到那把钥匙；劝你赶快找找吧！别把自己的心和他人的心都锁的喘不过气来。

sick of ...

2006-04-21T00:49:00.000+08:00

feel like reporting sick for work.

wanna run away.

sick. i am S-I-C-K, both literally and not-literally.

damn.
i recalled that the geomancer mentioned 2006 is a good year for the pigs. in fact one of the last "good" year for us. Pigs should even make use of this year to be prepared for the incoming not-going-to-be-so-good year.
if this year is already like this, wat the hell would 2007 be like?

i guesses i had just answered myself.

HELL.

think again

2006-04-20T16:36:00.000+08:00

~the worst thing you write is better than the best thing you didnt write~

look closer at the picture. you'll see a man who's being shot by me while he's taking a shot of boat quay. they say "look behind your back", didnt they?

u can choose not to remember, but u can never ever forget

2006-04-20T00:42:00.000+08:00

i considered myself prepared. hence i was ready to say "let's meet!"

had a pleasant evening with my CLOSE friend. we went to "the budget terminal, T3" and "flew first class on ANA airlines". oh well, crap as they were; little jokes they meant to be.
the "passport" was handed to me cos that was the reason for the meet up anyways. there wasnt any japanese food served on the plane (sakae had this long queue even though it was a wednesday night! no wonder the CLOSE friend gave the usual tone of: wah, FREE sushi giveaway ar???); instead it was good old (actually a refurbished concept of) Fish n Co.
and then we flew to Japan...(-ese) bookstore, kino! quite sometime since i visited the bookstore...the very last time was to find "the very first initimate contact" (translate into chinese please, if u know wat i am saying. it's a very good book) for which i was disappointed to hear the salesman informing me: Sold out.
we were in there for an hour or so i think. it was a all-calls-ignored moment. just wanna show respect and of cos since the memories of the unhappy incident before prompted me to "concentrate". The sweet voice from the speaker calling out to all shoppers that the bookstore is closing in 20mins time. it was then a short stroll before a show of courtesy to accompany me till my train comes.

almost 6 months since we last met. it was more comfortable this time round. not so much awkward moments like the previous time. the heart still raced but it was easy to keep cool in a few seconds. i realised i forgot the number that i used to be able to punch on the hp without looking. of cos, it resurfaced once i saw it again.

as i was walking home, i told myself: you can choose not to remember the (pain and hurt) but you can never ever forget (them).
i'm kinda motivated by the CLOSE friend to work harder. ari-ga-to =)

~the baby always love the child~

this is not a weird blog entry.

ni shi wo de jie mei , ni shi wo de baby !!

2006-04-15T23:50:00.000+08:00

before the viva vouchers expire in june, we decided to make use of them TODAY! especially since bit was not allowed to "not turn up". well, even though it was still a "short-of-one" (dear janis in aussie) situation, but it was goood enough that bit was present! keke

anyways, after the main courses of fish n chips (a bit chao tar though), honey grilled chic and grilled chic breast (the sauce is goood); it was desssert time: ceres jubilee *spare me from the spelling error) and brownie

picture taking time. we always have the same chemistry to bring along our cameras for each once-in-a-while outing! er... my fat ARMS fully exposed here!!! seriously it aint that THICK

*help us take!!!*

hee... of cos gotta take with my jie jie first. hey hey, if u tot u saw michelle chia, *shake fingers* nah nah... that's alicia chia or wazi hui, my jie jie ! haha... she does look like michelle chia in this pic! (hmmmm well, both of them got great figures anyways hee)

i didnt want to carry the "teacher" look... so here's another one without specs. *clear throat, at this point, the nu ren is self-praising her wonderful photo taking skills again...*

there, the nu ren on the right! she's the ladiest among us but she's forever pushing that title on me... anyways people have this natural glow when they are happy ---> true enough, you see this saying reflecting on her thoroughly. our dear ladiest lady here got attached sweetly for a month liaoz! hee... huiliang, u lucky guy, treasure her!!!

after some serious photo taking, it's always the candid moments... while someone tried to cover her not-fat-at-all face, something apparently went wrong.... heez

dont play play... let me show you some fist-fighting stuns! heard of tai ji zhang san feng, dont you ????

bit when u wanna play candid, be prepared that you cant escape being the victim yourself... since you dun want to have a big face on the camera, kekeke *click* there you go !!!!

bit just refused to pick up her spoon of ice cream to pose for the picture.... but nvm la, since u gave the cutesy peace sign!

heee.... den it's our turn! and while looking at this picture, the comment came again "your hair really black hor!!!" haiyo... that day ah pie also said the same thing to me leh!

there wasnt a chance to take a group pic; i dun dare to disturb the servers and the other customers around dont look like they are willing to do us the favour too. so we stepped out of deli, went to turn a few rounds at Popular and then cold storage (for which i wrongly termed as Carrefour) before we headed towards home. after nu ren got on her bus, bit decided she wanna play with the camera for the last time... i like the "futuristic" feel of the pic. this is RAW, no editting had been performed !

keke... here's me and bit. i refused to let her push me to the front... hahah big-faced together mah !!! hahahai dun quite understand why sock said i have a "ticklish" face that would made her laugh.... until i saw this picture the second time... well i guess if my gao xiao face has its means to lift people's spirit up, it's okie to be the clown bah....

solo pic. i looked a bit like esther here...

feeling very very sleeepy now. haha but i had gotten most of the pic onto the blog finally. yawnzzzz. had a good time today. relaxing day with my jie meis after the morning jog and ending off with a nice dinner. hugs my dear galfrens... yeah, dun ever forget, how we met, 10 years ago, when we were in the blue pinafores (and the blue girl guide uniforms every friday 3pm), tagging ourselves with the new identity of : andersonians! another 10 years down the road, i'll probably be posting pictures of the baby girls and boys of you all =) thank you for the friendship. and janis, even though u arent in the picture, u know that you are in our mind and heart. hugs and kisses gals.... ;)

oh.....heee... before signing off, here's a last pic! i swear i have no idea why it turned out like i am acting cute when i have ZERO intention to do that as sock pressed the button...
alrite, i'm knocking out....teary eyes... gg to kunz.
nites.

expect the unexpected

2006-04-14T01:14:00.000+08:00

After a trip to the bank to settle stuff...i was just heading to no where. mindlessly i just hop onto 854; the bare minimum i know the furthest i can get with that bus is bedok interchange. not anywhere unfamiliar, so it's very safe.

as the bus moves further, suddenly i tot of visiting LEE SEOW MI !! *haha, she'll definitely scream: si lang LI PEISI ---> seriously it's SHI, not SI... hee* the timing is good too; by the time i get there, it would be 3plus. unless she's on leave, otherwise, if she's on morn shift, she'll still be there as there'll be cashier to close, paperwork to do and stuff to handover. if she's on noon shift, VIOLA, that's perfect lah. but but... not anywhere in my memory do i remember 854 passing by hougang mall. btw, where is hougang mall ??? i happily msg my bro who was nua-ing in camp since i tot he'll be familiar with the used-to-be-his-territory.
*smsing*

oei u know where is hougang mall?

huh? er... heartland mall issit?

no lah...i know it's hougang mall leh. wait, got so many shopping area one ar???

hougang point. hougang mall. hougang heartland mall. hougang green.......which one u gg? aiya actually i also dunno lah... haha

..............

aint it just one hougang? why make it so complicated? haiyo!!!! well, with my "adventurous" spirit burning, i know i will find it. kekekekeke and i SAW the SIGN that flashed HOUGANG MALL! waahhahaha...happily dropping off. i just continue to walk and walk and walk and walk.....................about 20mins under the light drizzle, i still dun see any MALL. looks can be deceiving, so are road signs!!!! seriously, without the yi shi chong dong i think i wouldnt be happily walking like that. *still walking...* i saw the building! just when i tot i deserved a pat on my back for my adventurous nature, i saw this h-o-u-g-a-n-g p-l-a-z-a ! arghhhhhh tmd, is it that difficult to find one mall? well, i have a mouth that speaks; i just have to ask cos i believe it must be somewhere! as the song sings, "zou chu qu jiu you lu" ... i FOUND it ! after like another 10mins of walking-to-no-where. hahaha....and then there was LEE SEOW MI standing at the counter, supported by the arm and then turning to clean (well, that's ah pie mah) the glass panels. think she kena shocked to see me too, but well the first line was what other than jei si lang LI PEISI, come ka jiao ka jiao!!!

keke... perhaps it was destined to flow in that manner. after a chat, the phone rang.
Siang? orh... LEE SEOW CHUN huh??

baby boss!!!!

hahaha... i was going to drop by after leaving pie's shop lor. then i can imagined her screaming in the phone.

orh li PEISI at your shop huh??? yi an zua, si zong huh??? why so long never come down to the shop???? tell her, i 2 mths pregnant with her child hor !!!!

2 mths...so dear baby boss, u still havent tell me how to name the child. edmund jamin li or jamin edmund li *hahahahhaha*

soon after, it was like a reunion back at northpoint! so nice! seeing pie and jamin talking to each other ... they seemed so on par with each other. in the sense, especially i guess pie could understand wat baby boss had headaches with in the past. well, u only experience it when u r in it, that's so true! and me? hee, i had a good time chit chatting with my daughter lah. hahaha...i miss cafe, i miss my cute bosses, i miss my god-ma, my sandwich bar! i'm glad i have them nicely stored in here ---> my heart.

dear baby boss, hope you understand why i couldnt drop by to help that much. take good care of your health will you, angel ?
___________________________________________________________

summary of the day: passion is the key to achieving your goal; to keep you going on.
expect the unexpected, go with your feelings when you know you are not going in the wrong direction.

nitez. :)

be touched

2006-04-10T00:15:00.000+08:00

juz finished watchin In Her Shoes. yeah, it's one of those films with the cliche theme of a pair of sisters, fallin out with each other and then patching things up again, with deepened love and understanding for each other. cliche as it is, it never fails to top my list of "movies-that-make-me-think-DEEP-and-be-touched". it's a no wonder gin gave her thumbs up months back after she had watched it...

nice poems within the show. gg to replay the show again to catch them. the heartfelt phrases:
i carry your heart and i carry it in my heart

lose something, everyday,
losing...is not a disaster

well, i admit. the last phrase dont really sound like that in the movie; i kinda thought it sounded like that; self-efficacy *if that's the correct OB term to use here, well, at least i know wat i am refering to (duh! watever)* makes it sound like something i want to it to sound like.
___________________________________________________________________

it had been almost 2 weeks since my last post. i tot i made myself so guilty...but then i'm not going to start analysing wat went wrong, who did wrong or wat. Cos that is important no more. simple and sweet - it's just a correction of other's mistake that went wrong.
we make "mistakes" so that we learn from them. yeah.
to dear baby boss, if u happen to bump into my blog again, thanks for the simple line or two on msn at 0200 on that dreadful night. it really came when i needed it most. angel...thanks.
and weiliang...cheers for the encouragement! i wonder who else is reading my blog; especially after i realised i have some unexpected visitor. but well, in case, you are one of those unexpected guests, i welcomed you and hope you drop a line, you know, just to say hi.

i feel lost. that's what on my mind all this while.
that should be the most prioritised thing-to-do during this one week leave (gg to have to go back the office for one/two days...but to WRAP things up, TIGHTLY and COMPLETELY this time, i seriously dun mind AT ALL).
___________________________________________________________________

anyways, something apart from all the heartfelt gan xiang (thoughts!); i was on the train to office yesterday. interestingly, i found out how much pple like to ASSUME.
i was flipping through my New Paper when this kid and his mum got in. Foreigners! there was no doubt about it cos the kid was happily sucking on his sticky-gooey-mai ya tang. and his mum was giving him water as well as instructions on how to suck his sweet longer so that it dun sticks that much. (c'mon, the sign that says FINE OF $500 for EATING on the train was right above them) i swear i wasnt angry (though i did slant my eye and stare at the kid *okie, fine, si-gin-na was the word i used* hoping he catch the hint) when he spit out the water IN HIS MOUTH and the MANY TINY DROPLETS got ONTO me!!! i continued with my papers. the mum begun an educational talk.

nah, zhe jiu shi bian zui ya (nah, this is the platypus i was telling you about) !
ni kan, zhe shi jie shang jin shen qi qian zhi !! ta men kuai jue zhong le orh!
(look, there are only 7000 of them left on the earth; they're coming to an extinction soon)

curious, i peeped at the Starhub commercial lines that she was refering to. indeed i saw the picture of the platypus. but not-indeed, the next line goes, "Do you know that there are over 7000 types of anteaters?" (note: this may not be the exact lines)
but in anyways, it is no where near to what the mother had said. the next part of the conversation was interesting too.

er zi, nah, na hai you yi xie jiao yu ti cai (son, there's more educational information at this side)
i shifted my eyes to the window pane beside. it read "STarhub maxonline provides you with more entertainment...."

*sweatz*

well, the mum-and-son got off at Newton. i continued with my papers, marvelled at wat the mum had said to her son. then i was at this page, there's this big picture of a child, with some scratches on his face and a little monkey sitting on his head. this guy standing beside me was saying to his gal,

wah, na ge xiao hai zi bei hou zi zhuo cheng man lian de xie!!!

i stared at the line written below the picture: this child from the (*&*&*) tribe is seen here, playing with a monkey........

see, how pple tend to assume based on the first things that come to their sight. no wonder the saying goes "First impression counts".
___________________________________________________________________

that's a bit too much posting done. gotta sleep now, it's battle, FINAL battle tmr!
nights *lights off*

it's never the end...

2006-03-28T21:54:00.000+08:00

it's never the end.

not even when the accts are signed by the client.

not when the partner signed or (intend to sign) as he lashed at us.

i guess, not even when the accts reach MAS by friday.

had i done wrong, by not checking with the seniors... or was i really wrong at all?
i dunno. feel empty within; my boss and small boss are rushing to correct the mistake i made. i'm just behind, at the cold pantry.

no fingers pointing at this time. NO !

tired...demoralized...
this is my first major audit client; what a good job you had done, stupidchild.

---------

creations !

2006-03-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

this is a simple tote - a complimentary gift with the Apr issue of Simply Her. before i took it out for my tuition session, i decided it needed some dressing-up.

ta-dah! a $1.20 green-coloured flower brooch and a $0.50 ribbon plus some anyhow-twist-and-turn, u get tis new thingy on the tote! kinda satisfied with the self made thingy.

and then while my creative juices are still flowing - here comes totoro! i juz finished drawing it 2 hours ago. it's supposed to be my gift for ivy! if u realise... tis is a near-replicate to the totoro pic in my previous post (i added in the hand holding the umbrella hee...)

totoro-card making in the process....

the heartfelt words: all written down....

~ dear ivy.....~

.... and here comes the final product ! hee... interested in buying my card? kekeke contact me for details..... heeee

~proudly brought to you by Ben.com~

okie lah... gg to start some REAL work liao.. wan an!

totoro

2006-03-26T02:28:00.000+08:00

finally. i know who is TOTORO.

and the cat-bus, NEKO, whom i'm supposed to be, well in accordance to wenhui ---> the pinky pig! *fen hong zhu, my mama/jie jie*

amazing. i never know "I" (i mean well, if i'm the cat bus) can simply "enlarge" hmmm my hmmm... body to fit in my passengers... and god, "I" have so many legs that can run and leap like no body's biz! kekeke.... crazeeeeee!

and tis is TOTORO!
wenhui's and ivy's fave. supposedly a tree spirit. he (or hmm she?!?!) dun talk; he either smiles or roars. biggy round eyes to match the cheery BIG smile! and he FLYS !!! plus, he got a special dance to make seeds grow into shoots and then into HUMONGOUS TREE in seconds. the dance goes:

(1) hands wide open
(2) bend ur body up n down *u know like u gonna pull up the shoots from beneath the soil*

totoro once again... cute version!

why the sudden thing abt totoro? hee... it all started when i was in BOC; for no reason i became NEKO. and now peeps at the pantry would call me "eh, BUS!"

well, the BUS is kinda shack and exhuasted especially after this 3 weeks of "nine-to-five"; but then of cos 24 march was really the most tiring/breathless/heart-stopping day... details on my next post. it's too tiring to be documented at 2.44am by a bus that had worked from 12pm to 11am on a saturday....

hmm tink i'm gonna choose the cute version of totoro for the card to ivy. another senior gone. mixed feelings.

dun wanna be bothered by it liao. not now.

snorez..... sleepyz! kunz

is it coming to an end?

2006-03-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

the question applies to the following:

(i) changing of the bloody damn accounts

(ii) signing of the damn bloody accounts

(iii) IHAG sign off....(which for god's sake, i havent even started, AHHHH)

(iv) reaching home in the bright early morning of 5am and reaching office the next day at 9am
[ yeah, that's really a nine to 5 job huh? PUI ]

(v) constant nag nag nag ... for which i totally concur but yet i cant rebutt because i cant say out the damn bloody reason ........................

URGUUUUUUUUUUUUU !!!!!

i was told that i am VIOLENT for putting the msn msg --> when am i gg to STOP changing the DAMN BLOODY accts?
haii... that's not violent. that's the only mean of venting my irritation cos there's no other ways of expressing it. so my dear friends, do bear with my ermm "violence" or whatever u call it.
_____________________________________________________________________

while on the cab home with ah chwee on fri, he asked me a qn: do you feel unfair that compared to your peers, you are the only one who are working until so siong?

"No."

that was my immediate reaction; which kinda get me thinking. cos it never cross my mind, this thing about unfair...
cos if you think about it, what is fair in this world in the first place? *shruggs*
_____________________________________________________________________

had a short chat with ee fang on msn.
my conclusion to her after the 20min of kao-pei-ing....WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
really, u know, i am not alone.
(suddenly i was hesitant to put a smiley behind the sentence ... it aint really a joke or something to be happy with, aint it?)

okie, better hop onto bed now... it's another 9 to 5 week tmr.
~nitez~

原来我不是独自一人。。。

2006-03-09T22:45:00.000+08:00

it was always a better time to chat freely with deb when there's just the 2 of us.

at first it was me who start to "bird" mr spare ow...cos at least there's a way for deb to vent her anger and let off her steam. frankly, that mr spare seriously need to be taught some manners. i respect him for all his *ahem* capabilities (?!?!) he may have gotten over his YEARS of EXPERIENCE...but surely throughout ALL THESE YEARS, you shd know better than to say "ARE YOU SICK?" right in the face of another? and of cos, from that kinda tone used, i seriously didnt think that you are just "expressing your concern" for deb to check if she's really unwell.
i was really on the verge of forgetting my previous "bird-ing" encounter with you and was even starting to take pity on you for having to bear the heavy burden of preparing such complicated accounts.....but you had to play such "stunts" again. well then, u wanna bird us, here's how we can do the same...

SPARE: hello, can i speak to deborah?

ME: deb? oh she had went home. ~16:45 on the clock~

SPARE: .........home (?!?!)

ME: yeah! oh thanks to you, for REMINDING her that she's sick... it was then that she
realised how sick she was after all this while of having to explain and do up the
supportings for you when uou should be doing that...

anyways she had taken the day off...and SPARE, really thanks for reminding her! bye and
have a good evening!
*hang up*

SPARE: ...................................

i did that ! .... of cos NOT LAH. come on, i have far better manners than to do that, i still see myself as a professional though i'm still trying to build my skills for it. but seriously mr spare, do spare a thought for others when you make any of such brainless commments ever again. it dont hurt you, but a tiny phrase like that hurts us A LOT; we are only HUMANS with a meagre pay, struggling and slogging our every minutes and seconds just to do up the BLOODY HELL 54 pages of financial statement for your bloody company. if we are sick, no doubt you got a part to play in it !!!!!!

well, indeed deb did feel better and that's good =) !

and during our small talks...we found another common point!

we feel like lonely souls on this earth. very lonely souls who slog our times away from mon to fri, (sometimes sat and sun inclusive) stay at home in the weekends, feeling so bored/frustrated/irritated/nothing-goes-right, having to stand constant naggings [which we fully understand are caring words of concern just phrased in the wrong manner, wrong tone and spoken at the wrong time and of cos wrongly interpreted as "strings of birdie" that hurts and irritates our lonely hearts].

sad. it really feels so sad. like we have no other frens around...
i know my dear jie meis are there; but i'm just too tired to go anywhere or to do anything. besides they have their own pak-toh-ing to do, their personal matters or entertainment to participate. what the hell am i stoning at home and depressed over ?????

that's why i was telling deb i'm afraid and i dread spending away my life like this. i want something more meaningful....

1. start planning for my own business plan?
2. doing voluntary work ?
3. simply spending more meaningful time to understand myself, my family...
4. ......
this list can go on; but i need a motivation. if not, i'm just like another SPARE.

yikes...PUI, i dun wanna be like that SPARE!!!!!

~ sets me thinking, are you thinking as well ? ~

(#)*@)$&%@)#&%#^

2006-03-06T01:26:00.000+08:00

(#&%()%&@(#$*&$(^&#$(%*@()&%)(^&($^&%(#$*#)%&$#^((&FV(Q&MTQ($K(D)&NVB(Q#*M(#$T()&$%Q&$DM&$(&B $#M%)Q(&45

it's not another entry that i had typed in chinese and it turned out to be gibberish.
it's just that....stupidchild is CURSING and SWEARING for all she can !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

super low morale now.............. super duper low...........................

!!!!!!!! W O L S

2006-03-05T03:27:00.000+08:00

i struggggggggled for sooooooo horrriblyyyyyy longgggggggggggg !!!!

and i only then managed to get the figure rite. and it's just a change.

can anyone tell me how and wat to do to get the brain process faster? i cant increase the RAM like i can do to my computer !!!!!!

urgu.....
(%$&^($%*^$%^&$%(7

3.30am on a SAT NIGHT !

.................

2006-03-04T03:13:00.000+08:00

juz when i tot it was going to be a nice friday at wala wala and a great weekend ahead....

shit....really xia suay myself. i guess that nua-ster CHUA must have sensed that tis auditor CMI...still have to let gavin take over else tink i'll probably have broke up and still dunno wat i had done...
technically, i am really not cut out to be an auditor YET. where got auditor like that one?????

really disappointed with myself......

even though i had stood everyone up; *really sorry abt it guys*. thanks for being so understanding in any case. will pick myself up !
life so short, tis is really nothing to be so much bothered with... u wanna bua me, bua lor cos i'm in the wrong... i'll prove that i'm not for you to bua !!!!
____________________________________________________________________
~song playing - sunday morning (maroon 5/EIC)~

pain .....

2006-03-03T02:20:00.000+08:00

my head hurts in the morning....

my eyes pained in the entire afternoon....

now my ankle sores from almost-tripping-over-the-metal chain barrier and my back "shocked" when i jabbed it into the door knob!

i tink i'm kinda going into depression ... but i am trying not to sink further.

well, i just realised that i've visitors to my blog. and to answer your queries:
HE is just somebody i saw during lunch everyday...and let me put it clear, it's not "IN LOVE"; you dun LOVE anyone like that. it's merely a feel to want to get to know someone better...
but then, like i said, it's really like a "story" only... even though it's kinda "wu leng wu haw".

for the moment, i have to go back to studying my books... no other time.
and also because i had witnessed yet another broken relationship.
hmm gin (my dear hunch), jia you okie!!! you still have me to continue our "hunchback hill" story... hahahaha
okok i gtg; gg to have to sneak into PL's room tmr to replace the error FS! hope i can find it quickly....wah kao, machiam MISSION IMPOSSIBLE....

fri --> wala wala with CS team; hunch, i'll get EIC to sing your fave songs tmr!!!

SNOREZZZZZZZZZZZZ

not a very good day...

2006-02-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

the beautiful lady sashayed down the streets.
her long and golden hair lifted up by the gentle wind, revealing her attractive smile.
the guy was mesmerized.
all of a sudden, the lady's heels broke. *god damn it*
flustered for a tiny moment, she reached into her bag and pop a MENTOS* into her mouth. *AHHH*
refreshed !
she reached down and broke off the heel of the other shoe.
the guy, dropped-jaw, amazed, flicks his thumb and gave a thumbs up to the lady.

MENTOS, the FRESHmaker!!

remember that commercial when we are young? well, i remembered it too well, so much so that i acutally RENACT the whole scene today at tcc@ citylink. tamade....well, maybe i should be glad that at least the other heel was readily broken off else i wouldnt imagine having to limp back to CS with a foot on the ground and the other lifted 2.5" off the floor.

what else...? hmm today is a god-damn tired day. not that i had done a lot of things...except to edit for the 8th (just 8??) time the stat accounts. and at the same time, expressing once again, my total ignorance of what my accounts actually means...
i'm damn slow in my thoughts and not steady at all....if i had went into depression like what deb experienced, tink i'll probably just DROWN in depression and DIE.

during dinner, i requested to go to the food court so that i can see my motivation. and i really ordered char siew wanton noodles...(strange, now i recall, he actually said "here's ur wanton noodles") instead of feeling motivated, i felt more sad that i dunno him and there's no chance. i tink the rest have no idea that "i was not just say-say only". which makes me feel more pai seh to say that "i'm not just play-play". sad leh....but then in the midst of sadness, i figured out something: you cant say why you LOVE a person; but you can definitely say what ATTRACTS you to that person. for instance, he's so bright and sunny! i like cheerful people; they help to neutralize the complicated me. but then ~at the end of the day~...... *who is he ?*

SIAN.

a surprise sms from a long long primary school friend. hmm...so maybe i havent really lost all my primary school friend.

*time to zo gang liao .... *

jia you, stupidchild, you dont get knock down juz like that. =)

recall...

2006-02-26T01:15:00.000+08:00

for watever reason it is...i scroll back to my blog entries that were written one year ago.

one year ago; my heart had broke into a million pieces...
one year later; the heart had been pieced back. the scars are forever there, i wished you had read those entries...i really really wish you do!

not that i wanna hurt you; but just to let u know how hurt i was.

the statement gin made was nothing new cos i said that a year ago:
i never knew a guy i love so deeply could hurt me so much...so deep...

gin, jia you!

there's no tommorow...start living

2006-02-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

well well... forget about elaborated blogskins; much as i really find the previous "simple stupidity" skin appropriate, i'm going to settle for this standard template.

came back from xy's farewell. brother, dun lose the confidence you used to have. she had left you but that doesnt mean you are the loser. in love, there's no winner or loser. jia you for these remaining 9mths and come back to strike your career yeah! =)
last week janis just left, this coming week, you are also going to go back to aussie. my close friends are always leaving at the same time ...

it was a "dark" friday yesterday. i saw stressed faces, heard depressing stories, witnessed another rocky relationship, sensed disappointed and felt pain (in both my mind and my stomach...). hope the coming week will be a better one!

anyways, i think i found someone who made my heart beat a little faster recently. haha CS team would know what i am talking about...how did it all started; that i'm not really sure. but it definitely arise from a midst of teasing from the team. frankly i really felt so disappointed when i didnt see him that following day; thinking that the previous day was really his LAST DAY of work; as described by irene and the rest. of course, that's why i couldnt hide my excitement when he "re-appeared". but then, he's too "far away" from me. i dun even know him, i cant even have the chance of knowing him better.... or can i? which would mean i have to somehow DO SOMETHING! i wonder which is more effective: to give him my number or to get his number. both are challenging uphill tasks i would say.
life is short, xia suay or not, i should probably just try my luck? hmmm.... hmmm.... hmmm....

funny thing is: he's just someone whom i would see for like 20mins each time and probably like 3-4 times per week. i dunno his name, i dunno what is he really like. just that from his looks, i had assumed that he's a nice guy ... who knows, he could be really a BOY, younger than me... and here i am, saying, i kinda miss him ... haha such feelings are so strange.

well, at the very least, he's definitely a little motivation to me; while i struggle to understand new things that everyone else seemed to know and recall things that everyone else seemed to be so familiar with.... anyways, let's keep this a "hush-hush" for the time being...

yawnz...i'm gg to meet xy tmr for breakfast at amk. nah.. not another "let's meet at 8.30am"; hee... i'm gg to bed soon. nites to you, and thks for reading my blog. muacks

my first picture upload !!!

2006-02-05T21:46:00.000+08:00

*damn* why did it take me so blooody long to realise that uploading of pic onto my blog is so blooody easy.....

now maybe u understand how my nick came about...(though i gotta emphasize, the origin of that nick aint really because... i am stupid)

new

2006-02-05T21:33:00.000+08:00

no more "dunno why" by norah jones.
new skin. new beginning. (though the "new beginning" had begun like... a month ago?)

maybe removing the midi is good, i should stop saying "dunno why". it's time i really start to know why and work on it from there; by hook or by crook.

well, since i chose to trust again, i shall just move on from here. pray that it will not me misplaced once again...

1 JaN 2006

2006-01-02T01:30:00.000+08:00

what had i done to wrap up 2oo5?
hmmm...i did a stocktake. no no... i still stuck to my "mode of reluctance" to the 4 alphabets. the stocktake was for deli. while people were awaiting eagerly to countdown their way to 2oo6; we counted frozen RTP crossiants, nine-cereal dough, danishes, RTB baguettes, chilli & tomato sauces blah blah blah and blah... fingers froze and legs cramped!

ha...well just as i tot i would be able to go home and have a good rest. xian rang me and said of her 'broke up'. what's next? squeezed in-between millions of singaporeans and standing in the middle of the bustling road; seen a sadist who imagined herself as terrorist and will fill up balloons with toxic gases after which bursting them in the crowd to kill all of us; went into 2oo6 *unknowingly, actually* in the midst of ooohs and ahhhs over the dazzling fireworks.
no wonder they said, 美好的东西总是短暂的 (mei hao de dong xi zong shi duan zan de). right after the last firework burst in the sky, almost everyone on the bridge turned and left! ~ disappointing ~
anyways, i spent the first few hours of 1 jan talking with xian at the S11 at AMK.

~love is really a confusing little thing. u yearn for it when u dun have it. yet when u have it, u realise u may not really want it after all~
i cant do much ... it's between the 2 of them.

liza told me not to be too comfortable about being single. cos as time passes, it's not gonna be "healthy". *laughs* i do have worries that friends beside me are all getting attached and married except me. but right now, NOW, i'm really happy to be alone. =)
___________________________________________________________________
my one week break is coming to an end. mustering all my 'courage' i'm starting work all again.
be more efficient; be more smart. cheers....

in the new year, i hope to see more happy faces. i hope to make more people happy.

~happy new year~

complicated ...

2005-12-29T15:53:00.000+08:00

went for my 2nd deli bbq yest.

everyone was having fun, put it in another way: it was noisy. as usual, i was surrounded by quietness. the noises didnt get into me. well it was something that i had expected anyways; much as all of them are easy-going people, the thing is when u r not familiar with each other, u r just not familiar.

that aside.

seriously, i wasnt a bit "impressed" by you at all. i never doubt that we are a family of close pals. but seriously, arent you being a little bit "too close" ? maybe u were not feeling very right yest, or maybe u were already a little tipsy...or maybe... *i dunno* i was just feeling edgy about it. but still, i'm just uncomfortable over what i saw. it was a very fine line between friendly and overly friendly.
___________________________________________________________________

hm... 4th day of my one week leave.
didnt accomplish anything BIG achievements yet. it is a relaxing period i'm leading...
somewhere in my brain, i tink i had really programmed it to display "reluctance" and "unwillingness" towards anything related to the 4 alphabets K, P, M and G. this is a week for peishi and family and friends ONLY.

this is me. JUST me.

~signing off~

merry christmas

2005-12-24T21:39:00.000+08:00

*silent night, holy night....*
someone is singing at my primary school downstairs.

it's christmas eve people! i'm at home on this lovely day that i had always like...

alone at home. windstruck is showing on the TV. had wanted to go delifrance earlier; did not really want to watch the movie alone. but after some thoughts, here i am, watching the movie and being touched.

it just reminded me of you. how you had wanted so eagerly to watch the movie that time. i remembered i wasnt that interested at first; but after which i had to agree with you that it's really a nice show. staying at home on xmas eve is not a bad thing after all.

"what were you doing last christmas?"

*thinking*

"i was crying......"

why but that's what i was doing last christmas. and the fateful letter came on boxing day. those words, the scene, they're all in the mind.
i'm fine. really ok... =) i realised my tears they dont fall that easily anymore while i do the recall.

so happy for my jiejie sock today. finally after such long wait, she and her ah boy are OFFICIAL. bit was teasing her so much, she's so so so paiseh... hee... well, the feeling is as if we had married her off. that's the gal thingy we share among us.

feel very much like slacking. though i have quite a lot of things on hand...

i realised i havent have much feelings towards anyone. not even a bit. maybe, perhaps, i'll be like that for god knows when. yesterday i was supposed to go to guorong's house for a xmas bbq. in the end i was with xian for 3hours...talking in northpoint.
i came to the conclusion: no matter what kinda gal u r, as long as u r one: u r easily pleased by tiny little things ur guy does for you. a call to say i miss you; a message to remind you to take ur meal...they're so simple yet so significant to us.
a guy fren told me that guys get turned off when gals have no confidence in themselves being their galfrens...why do we feel insecure? didnt it ever cross the guys' minds that they could be the source of insecurity? guys want loving understanding gals... such gals r plenty actually. the question is:
where r these deserving guys ?
____________________________________________________________________

If i die, would you follow me? let's hook our little twinky fingers.

Merry Christmas!

one MORE time !!!!

2005-11-27T01:58:00.000+08:00

after almost 4 whole months, i stepped into the brand new bistro delifrance NP, in my bistro uniform, WORKING!

haha...it's a bit weird at first cos almost every NEW staff thought i am NEW as well; they kept asking, "eh, how come never seen u during trainings?"
well...because i never had any proper training before except for a 2week stint at cwp.

being cashier was fun. was what i had wanted to learn all this while as well. fun as it is, it's really stressful when the crowd comes in! scary... jamin kept coming over just to laugh at me that my face was all rEd !!! urguuuuu, bloodshot mah!
totally new to the system; the new plu codes; the promo items....the worse of all? the menu !!!! god, at some point of time, i'm really just playing my tongue with those .... gibberish .... ! but i was still very unprofessional when it comes to handling busy crowds.
still a very long way to go.

but at the end of the day, i still miss delifrance cafe. it's just a feel to the place. the feel that u can go into a cafe for relaxing times. this cant really be experienced at bistro.

~SleepY~ it had been so long since i had stood for such long hours. tired. but it was all worth it.

i'm back in delifrance. NP delifrance. *it's a nice feeling to be at home* =)
nites

strange.......

2005-10-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

Strange … just too tired I guess.
Even ray noticed I was pale.
The feeling is especially strong today; the reluctance to leave the house for work. Sux!!! The thought of: How am I going to continue like this for the next 5 years ?
PUI PUI …. I know it aint a good way at all to start the day like that but I cant help it.
The lucky things so far:
1. my laptop was securely strapped down and it didn't fell to the floor this morning when all the
other stuff dropped out of my UNZIPPED-laptop bag.
---> I can lose the boyfriend and the mistress but not the HUSBAND !

2. the light bulb on the altar went back to normal before I replaced it. Saved me from the
climbing up and down (albeit I had already opened a new pack of bulbs and took one out)

3. my pale face made the rest tot I am not feeling well … good; which means it will be ok even if i were to remain quiet for the whole day.....

understanding...

2005-09-19T00:20:00.000+08:00

2 computers: 1 PC playing music, 1 lappy for work purpose.

well, sianz by looking at the reports that dun seem to be logical at all; all prepared (hm, am i?) to be bua by CK tmr for requesting to do a 100% testing. i shd start to learn to be FIRM; i'm the auditor, u R not ! so wat if u were an EX-auditor ?? hmph....(keke)

did some understandings...
no one can pull ME out of the miseries, hatred, depression other than ME myself! when I choose to build a wall around myself cos i only feel safe with myself...i lock the joy outside as well.
*didnt i use to create a post that says the computer knows me well? shou fang kai is playing so conveniently from the PC now...*
was a bit distured for the past few days; more memories and feelings came back after i heard tao zi's song and when i continued (after like stopping for 2 mths) reading her book.
oh but i guess, the impact came harder after i saw "my story" being re-enacted......

tired. yearn to hug a someone ... not just anyone of course, but that SOMEONE out there.

~u never know, maybe ... maybe ... there aint' going to be ANYONE afterall ?~

good nights

2005-09-07T00:32:00.000+08:00

came back at about 12am....

getting later and later liao; i'm tired, my eyes are aching!

but my consolation: nice pple and great learning experience ah!

ZzzzZzzzzZzzzz..... nitez

.

2005-08-30T22:29:00.000+08:00

had my first interview with the bank client.
they have their boss to tag along....i have RAYmond to back me up as well. hahaha, well the interview din start very well cos i was like scrambling back to the room while the 3 of them waited for me inside!!!
ha....but that aside, it was really SHORT n CONCISE. it ended before i have time to realise it was over. i bet the in charge was also thinking : huh? like that only ah?

hm...dun feel very safe after the PAD update though. thought of a way to make myself to explain to others; if i'm comfy doing that, that shd not be a prob. will also allow others to gimme "review points" as well?

=)

ciaoz~

back.....

2005-08-30T00:09:00.000+08:00

yesh....

it had been so long since the last entry.

"5 mths ago, i had just started work in delifrance...."
now, i'm in kpmg for almost 1.5 months.
excited, depressed, happy, helpless; had experienced these much though i had only started my working life for 1.5 months.

lack of sleep and exercise. hmph....i dun wanna turn into a FAT lazy PIG.
i wanna be a smart one =)

long way to go ...
anyways, hugs and muacks to all my dears and darlings....love ya *GODs* thanks for always blessing me!

2005-07-06T00:17:00.000+08:00

~ last week liao..... ~

today is the 5th month i'm workin in deli =) exactly 5 mths ago, i just stepped into the shop; working with nurul and fifi...today it was a same night-shift work but with baby butch, amy and pie !

smileys...i'll miss the lovely times!

well, at least it was heart warming when pie told me the TARtINE sisters remember and .... "like" me?! haha....
yesterday i had my first try to ride a bike! so cool.....she was a careful driver and kept reminding me not to near the exhaust pipe unless i wanna bbq my piggy trotters! haha ~_~
never knew it was so breezy to ride on a bike....though it was a short journey, i think i had an enjoyable experience keke..... =)
___________________________________________________________________
so glad i managed to sell my driving slots for tmr as well as cancelled the one on thurs. getting very tired .... really wanna REST!

urguu...my headache coming back liao! gg to orh orh soon....*snorezzzz*

2005-07-01T21:20:00.000+08:00

~ strategic management ?!?! ~

my third day in bistro deli.
i'm pretty comfortable over there. one thing i noticed is that deli causeway is a halal store alright, and it's really like a MALAY store?!?! haha...most of the CSAs are malays. apart from that, almost everyone in the shop knows how to speak in VERY fluent malay loh.
ah pang, jenny, the cooks, the aunties.....like practically everyone liao! perhaps cos most of them are malaysians ?!?
much of the ops are smoother today. =) cool. peeps are also less frustrated and more smiley.

i'm very guai1. i changed my shoes to a complete black one. not that i listen to hweehuang and not jamin, i just felt that i didnt want to tarnish NP's reputation. hee....besides, let's make it a nice wrap-up to great times in delifrance.

i'm allowed to be a server. =D
the most stressful customer ---> the stuck-up MR V.G
haiyo...i went to clear his table (PHEW....i PUT the tray on the table while doing that!!!! when i went back into the shop, fifi was liked: he scold you huh? i was like: er....no. why?
cos you cant put the tray on the table mah.
* drop-jaw. mouth-wide-opened *) and just when i was about to go, he went, oh i want a (%&^(@%&($&%(^&%$()&^ ----> later i realised that the 2 deserts he ordered was jubilee and souzette! god damn...i couldnt figure out what he was saying at all loh....heng i remembered the pronounciation and fifi was cool enough to hit on the right item after hearing my gibberish!!! keke...
then today i was usher. (yin chai yang cuo lah...)
"bonjour!" "thank you mdm/sir" "have a nice day!" "see you again"
___________________________________________________________________
alright...the change in concept: sacrificing speed of service for increased variety and interaction to customers.
i guess it's a strategic decision to change. something had to be done to ensure the on-going of the business. was it a good decision? i feel that it's too early to say. that's why i disagree with wat the guy whom i was working with: tell you ah, deli change lidat ah, give it 1 year sure BWANG one!
no loh.....the new concept attracts a new group of customer segment. besides, it's an abrupt change. customers who are used to the faster service with only sandwiches on the menu needs time to change their mindset too.
of cos there's room for a lot of improvement. faster cashier services definitely!!! in the past, everything can be done in 3mins with 2 counters, take-away and eat-in. but i didnt see this so far. like the ang-moh customer was complaining today: THIS IS CRAZY! more staff, slower service! 5mins for 2 sandwich take away!!!

thoughts gotta be spare for the staffs as well. how are they managing with the new environment; the new schedule; the extra burden of handling more products and managing the speed; the restrictions faced ! (you cant go out from the kitchen because you are wearing a diff uniform)
on the physical perspective, it's much more tiring for all staff. you stand 8hrs straight!
suddenly, i've lotsa respect for the managers. imagine the leader is one incompetent freak ?!?!?!

hm...why had i became more positive of bistro? more customer's feedback are getting encouraging. the ocbc lady was like: hey, VERY good service!
well well....like i said, some sacrifice was done to achieve other objectives.

oh survival skill#1 : look at the person when you talk to the person. heard from mr bernard
today. #2 : when i asked him how are the shops selected for the change in concept. customer profile, competitors nearby, profitability......

~think....cheem~

2005-06-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

~ bistro ~

slipped into the new uniform; pretty excited to be able to help out at causeway today.
everyone was .... gan cheong! could see all the faces twisted, frowning, brows knitted!
one word to describe:

STRESSED.

plus all the big bosses are there. *SHAKE HEAD*

well well...i guess it was a good start; we learn through mistakes aint we? so that we could see how to improve =)
____________________________________________________________________
anyways, had some gan xiang suddenly.
1. a cafe is more cosy than a bistro deli.
2. having "open" concept, with see-thru glass panels is much better than a totally closed up area.

cafe gives peeps the extra feeling of cosiness. like the name suggests, it's a place where u can simply go in, sit comfortably, drink a latte while reading through any book or papers.

bistro place...is like you'll have the "stress" of finishing your food and get out cos peeps are queuing up outside to come in and eat.

heh...took so long to write such a short one!

oh oh oh, mingli the QUEEN finally got to call me. we talked a bit and god....missed her and the freak so much! tink she's got a LOT of excitement gg on over there!
seriously wished that she'll be at the convo!
hee....so glad, these few days, those who had "went away" are starting to "come back" into my life!

2005-06-28T00:09:00.000+08:00

make lotsa U turns today...lotsa and lotsa of them.
some takeaways from my driving lessons:

1. wide bend U-turn --> full lock when shoulder nears the tip of the kerb and turn into the nearest lane; with the exception for the one with the chevron mark (er.....is the spelling right??)

2. narrow bend U-turn --> as above but turn into the second lane. REMEMBER to change back to left lane

3. U-turns can only be done when there's a U-turn sign!!! but hey, when there's a 3-lane traffic plus a CONTINOUS white line, U-turn can also be done

4. remember to signal right --> before moving off AND when on the slope (circuit) AND when proceeding with directional change

5. (er....what else? hee to be continued)

to the taxi-drivers and other road users who had overtaken me ... PLS you guys were once L-PLATE before. have some patience wont ya? *poof*
___________________________________________________________________

went back to collect my transcript and convo stuff today. got some feel of excitement initially; but then i realise convo is like a very lonely event cos mingli and jiawen arent gonna be present. xiaowen's one is scheduled on another time slot.
hm...lonely, i'm so lonely. i've nobody. i'm on my own
haha...reminds me of Pat's ringtone.

anyways, the happy thing is janis and xingyong is back!!! yoo hoo....and i'm making plans to meet up peeps. keke...

~yawnz~

2005-06-26T20:42:00.000+08:00

~ OLD friend found ~

was doing closing when this guy clad in white long sleeve shirt (the typical OCS guy-style, if u can imagined) approached the take-away counter.
moving swiftly to the puff-n-pastries corner, ready to bleah out the: bonjour sir.....
suddenly have this feeling that the guy looked familiar.
just as fast as the feeling sets in, i realised who he is: silun !!!!
he couldnt recognize me until i said: er....silun ?

ha...never expect myself to find an old fren in this dramatic manner.
well, he looked healthy; at least not like what i had heard previously. well erm...he den called me to be his first customer in his priviledge card job.
too rush, seriously, i got no time to consider or to hear any details about the card at all! i cant be his first deal...what can i say? sorry
___________________________________________________________________

worked with pat today.
we started the "mango tart" and "hard roll" thingy since the last time we worked. haha....kinda cute, i got someone in the shop who's my age finally. maybe that's why the PIGs-talk gets easier.
___________________________________________________________________

hm, oh well, the last time u told me u wanna talk to me was like 3 weeks ago. and we still havent talk? ha...well, let's do it only when you're ready to talk..... *poof*

2005-06-23T03:05:00.000+08:00

~ DELI's bbQ ~

3:06am. yeah man, no mistake about that.
just came back not long ago from the NP deli family bbq. it was like a big family gathering but some members were absent. [ hm.... =( ] but nvm, cos we got our GRANDMA er....hwee huang to join us too. fifi also came back and the best part: kumar came at the last minute too!!!

it was fun. haha....the staff shared one table (er...and then the playground where nurul shouted at the kids playing badminton if they know what does virginity stands for? *sweat* hahahah), the "blue shirts" shared another.
amidst all the talking, we shared our impression of each other and started to talk about all the dumb and some damn funny stories that we had encountered in our job.

next order: baguette with crossiant set (!?!?!?!?)

sir, for your drink, do you like egg, tuna or chicken?

the tale of the TARTINE SISTERS and the power EGG MAN

hammer with "sauce" ?!?! (er...it had meant to be ham on crossiant)

the super thick hot chocolate that has 3 full scoops of choc powder in 150ml of hot milk

tuna sandwich without the POTATO ?!?!?!

oh man.....laughed till my cheeks sored. nurul as usual had laughed till tears formed in her big glassy eyes. haha
jokes and gossips aside (erm....money-counting-freak doing closing at 7-11 ?!?! ahahha... shhhhh); everyone are dears and darlings. it was such a close feeling.

yeah man, so what if peeps are saying we are a pai kia store! *it just shows one thing: what great influence we have on each other yeah?* we are a great bunch of dedicated peeps called the NP deli family huh! = )

coolz.
nabey you; DUN STARE at us! its rude to do that *keke*

2005-06-17T18:26:00.000+08:00

the doc at the polyclinic is really ..... unfriendly i must say !!!
firstly, i really didnt know that it closes at 4.30pm.
secondly, i really didnt mean to go at the last minute.
thirdly, i was all along outside the doc's room. he didnt change the waiting number thus i didnt go in.

*poooof*

well well, hope that my medical appt can be bring forward earlier else it'll be real troublesome to have to take leave on the first few days of my work.
_____________________________________________________________________
read weiliang's blog that day.
haha...its so weird to see my own name splashed across his blog; well it was our msn conversation on how i had suggested that he could do some changes to his blog to make it look better. hm, i enjoy having some aesthetic value to everything.
i was really a BIG blurry. had happily changed my skin without realizing that it comes with an eerie background music!!! *cos i had did the changes without turning up my lappy's volume*
oh ya...it was eeeeerie! glad weilang told me....it was later when i found out it's some edward scissors hand music.

haha...em, i had changed to a nice classic: maria carey's HERO.

weiliang was surprised at my reaction when i agree that he's cool; instead of suaning him and puke at his comment of himself.
we dont have to purposely say the opposite of others when they feel good abt themselves. if they's really nice peeps, just tell them THEY ARE! =)

cool.

pie's housewarming!

2005-06-13T22:36:00.000+08:00

yesterday we went to pie's house for her housewarming.

it was a neat and cosy flat.
i loved the table and the glass cupboard. actually it's the idea that she kept the little gifts and memorable items in them. i believe it's the wonderful little things that lihui and her shared. the name tags that showed her progress in deli were the most impressionable thing. perhaps cos i had done something like that too =)

the housewarming party was warm and a nice get-together for the peeps around. though i dunno most of them but it was okie cos the northpoint gang was around.
small or le-gular?
haha...pie was so cute loh. and it wasnt long when all us spoke with the deli jargons.
Pie, we do closing for you okie?
Sir, can we have serviettes?
it was really a hm....very nice feeling. =)

er, then when fifi showed off his new digicam; it was the time the roaring laughter came. what happened? well, pie took the first pic for us. the big group of us were smiling so broadly into the camera, waiting for her to snap it. when she finally pressed the button, there wasnt any flashlight. instead, we saw the cover of the lenses SHUT closed.
oh man, all of us were laughing till we were flat. cos pie mistook the power switch for the shutter button. it was hilarious. but it was so cute to see ah pie's face then!
___________________________________________________________________

i learnt something.
as long as you love each other, nothing stands in the way. not the gender, not the age, not anything...
if you had already find him/her, hugs and muacks! so happie for ya.

update II

2005-06-13T22:33:00.000+08:00

From then now, maneuvering around HK was simply a task for me to accomplish. And em….freak, the map you gave me was like TORN by the 4th day. Hahahhaha.
we spent half a day making our way to the po lin monastery where the BIG BUDDHA is. Yeah, the one you always see in HK movies huh! 45mins MTR ride; 50mins bus ride up the long meandering road up the steep steep hills; 234 steps climbed before we got upclose and personal with the magnificent statue.
The place served nice vegetarian food and it was when we first tasted the silky beancurd! NICE, you never find that here. I tink even the yong he dou hua at geylang is not it’s match. This day was the most relaxing day in my trip cos there’s no shopping, no squeezing with grouchy ladies who knocks into you like they should. Only nice frash air, lovely sceneries in a serene environment. *smileys*

The rest?
Hm…shopping.
And I experienced the shopper’s er…nightmare? (if you put it that way) I know in my mind wat I was gg to buy and I never found any. When I went out telling myself I’m not gonna be buying anything; I end up buying a lot of things. My faves? The lovely green silk skirt, the pair of heels (finally I managed to find a suitable pair) and the cheap bargin I grabbed from G2000 (60% OFF).
well, gifts for everyone! I love the smiley jade pendant I bought for my grandma; hope she’ll smile and smile. Anyways, shopping in temple street at late night was like er…adventurous for us. Basically we were just walking and walking along the streets; it’s a bit like our bugis market! The good thing was the weather is not as humid as in Singapore; we didn’t sweat a bit despite walking up and down the busy crowded streets. (and the shopping centers were blasting their air con. But we were the only shoppers wearing jackets; the salesgal who passed me the handbag I asked for was so shock when she touched my icy fingers!)
And we met a rude guy who tried to pull us into his eatery; plus the damn “bitchy” (hm…cant find another suitable word, gotta ask rose to help me haha) UNCLES who said “come, come, share table with us!” ….TMD! haha…nvm, it added some spice to the trip la. (so MOVE ON!)
And er…we didn’t stop walking until I kinda realized peeps around me are a bit different from those we saw earlier. I mean, well, there seemed to be more bare-topped guys, with cigarettes that sits at 45degree on the edge of their mouth and tattoos that aint a bit cool at all, around us. More porn vcds and magazines are showing up….i pulled xian to walk at the main roads!! And I almost taped up her mouth cos she was like saying out loud: peeps here all smoke loh, sure very duan ming!!! *SWEAT!!! Xian ah, remember hor…dun do that again when u’re in another’s country. Xia si wo….*

I find more pleasure finding my way around.
Yeah, freak, I found the Tsang Tsai Kee along Wellington street. The BIG succulent wantons are REALLY good. REALLY. Yung Kee was cool too. But hm…I still cant figure out what’s the diff between goose and roast duckie. ?!?!?! like I say, my mouth cant differentiate what’s good or bad; if there’s really something that I said sucks, it really SUCKS!
Then again: if I go on another trip again, it gotta be a relaxing one! Freak, remember the ming su of Taiwan? Yeah, that’s the one I’m looking forward to!

Hm…did I miss out anything?
I dunno. Heh…if I remember anything, I’ll add on later.
Oh ya. Remembered something liao. I got sick on my last day there and it drag on for almost a week. The fever was so bad…=(

Ah ha! The valuair’s air stewardesses were really cool. They’re fun and jovial. We were being cheated that we had landed in KL International Airport. Everyone was like “HUH?” haha…We even sang birthday song for one of them! And she replied with her rendition of Dream a little dream of Me! =)

That’s about it! Those little “realizations” I had made were written long ago!
Anyways, take care, queen n freak; update me about ur HOT POTATOES job in Ohio huh? Muackssssss n hugsssssss

update I

2005-06-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

Freaky peiting !!!
Shd I say this post is dedicated to you and queen?
Alright, it gave me a good reason not to procrastinate anymore =)
Nah, I’m not gg to update my hk trip from day 1 till last day huh. Just the excerpts.
Er…gonna load these in parts due to the small prints of my new blogskin. Heh heh…crowded fonts makes reading sianz! This was one of our FYP conclusions huh!
hM….here goes!

Really impressed by the vast size of HK’s QI DE Airport but not that impressed by their staff’s service. the 2 guys at the immigration counter was practically chatting with each other while they did my passport in a mechanical and monotonous way. No eye contact, no smiles….*poof ! if I’m a mystery guest, I’ll definitely shoot them down. Not trying to be mean, I’m trying to improve their service! =)*
Well, the next disappointing thing would have to be MY PHONE! Couldn’t upload the picture I took which showed that there’s totally NO RECEPTION at all….so sad! Why issit that xian’s one worked and not mine? Haha…but I soon realized that no one would call and it’s a good thing not to be disturbed when I shd be enjoying myself on my first trip (on my own, I mean).

First impression when we got out of the airport: PACKED n CONGESTED with buildings and condominiums that are totally out of the place and em, very TALL ?!?! 64 floors for one of them. Wonder wat happens when the lift breaks down.

Hungry hungry…2 petite gals making our way down the bus, we finally reached the hotel! The room is cosy and nice. =) anyways, what’s our first meal in HK?
YOSHINOYA.
No mistake, it’s the jap fast food chain with the familiar orangy colour. We agree not to stress ourself by trying the cha can ting with our broken Cantonese on our first 1 hour in HK.
Dinner was great. We had COMPANIONS. Tracy n marvin plus cp, jess and jiehui. Tracy reserved a table at this Irish restaurant. the more memorable thingy was this irish pair of performers who went from table to table to sing. They passed us simple instruments and made us sang along. Then we even got our asses up the seats and dances with them. It was really fun = ). And not forgetting the little icy cold room which was meant to be a bar. We gotta wear thick furry coats to go in and when you blow out air, you’ll see white smoke coming out !!! it was THAT cold.

We went up the PEAK after dinner. Peixian got really freaked out on the tram when we told her it’s gonna roll like down a roller coaster! Hee…
Well, the view at the top was really BREATH TAKING. A pity my camera was low batt at that point; I had to borrow xian’s one. And the wind is so strong and cold…Brrrrrrrrr. But for the great view, everything was worth it I guess.

(cont...)

pedestrain A ......

2005-06-11T21:25:00.000+08:00

*alright, let's use a larger font to see if it'll turn out bigger on my new blog template. if it does, den i wont have to strain my eyes anymore...*

oh, i realised yest before i log off that all the chinese entries have turned into gibberish! hm....guess the new template doesnt have chinese fonts enabled function.

oh wat's with the title? *Pedestrain A: in case it doesnt appear in my blog cos i dun rememeber my new bolgskin have any title there*
sometimes we r simply passer-bys to another's life. and perhaps when you're lucky, you'll get to be one of those "ca-leh-feh" with more dialouges added to the roll as a passer-by. and when you had done your part, poof, OFF you go cos in came the lead character!

i'm lucky i got such a role. at least i lingered around for quite some time huh?

well, i love her, she's a darling, really!
so as long as you really got a "wife" who really treasures you and loves ya as much as you love her, muacks my dear, i'll be really happy for you ^_^
that's why i care about the disappointment and the change in role no more....

muacks darling! Move on..... =)
___________________________________________________________________

went to work today with buble's singing into my ear; nice music really sets your day right!
~ dance in the moonlight baby !!! ~

2005-06-10T21:51:00.000+08:00

menu for today:

1. fried egg with crabmeat and onion slices
2. stewed french beans with oyster and golden mushrooms
(3. stewed .... dunno what fish)

cook for today:
me and mama (but #1 was prepared by me only!)

oh yes. it was my off day so i decide to try to cook again. anyways my bro came back super duper early cos he passed his ippt. so finally i got him to test my cooking. yum yum...no complaints and i tink the egg looked nicer this time round. well, practice makes perfect i hope.

dunno wat to write. hee...though i knew that i had promised to update my blog with my hk trip details. hm...let's see, well, went tuition today. (cos i kena tua yest) and got really pissed at first by her attitude. but taking it positive, soon i understand what got her so distracted. and at least, she showed me her exam papers willingly.... she's really a fine gal frankly. if only she changes her attitude for the better....well, i believe gers will grow up!
couldnt download my blogskin.

(er......20mins later)
i DID it....i changed my blogskin finally!!!!!
now, its' just the adding of pictures to the blog; the removal and cutting of some posts and i'm ready to release the brand new groundes thoughts!
heh....i'm not that computer idoitic keke....=)

2005-06-08T13:34:00.000+08:00

that day after i went back deli to do "goose delivery", i met an indian man at the interchange.
he tooked the same bus with me.

he asked if the bus goes to khatib area.
yes.

you want some sweet? he handed me a strawberry juiceful.

hm..."mama said not to take sweets from strangers" (hahah). i shook my head and declines politely. then he saw my jacket that wrote NANYANG TECHNOLOGICAL UNIVERSITY across the back.

you're from NTU? my son was from there as well!

the bus came...he took the seat 2 seats beside me.
you mind me talking to you?
er....i'm too pai seh to say: actually i'm having a very bad headache, i hope to rest. he looked like he needed to talk too especially after he mentioned his son. and he started to talk.

i nodded and smiled along the way. he dun looked dangerous but well pardon me for my skeptical feelings. anyways, he said he was someone who had been out there working since 16. he seen a lot despite him having only an O level cert. but well, local coy only looked for paper qualifications....
tink he lost contact with his family as well....well no elaborations about that only a sense of loss in his eyes.

well he dropped off earlier than me.
the only last words i remembered clearly was: young gal, work hard for yourself and your loved ones. do your best and you'll be the best in whatever you do, at wherever you are.

strange encounter. but there's something about it.

back !

2005-06-04T13:24:00.000+08:00

hm...unsuccessful try at uploading picture.

nvm.
still coughing. but the breathing difficulties and the terrible headache is getting better.
~phew~ for a moment when i touched down at Changi Airport, i have a terrible feeling: er....would i be bringing any "flu" back from hong kong?
oh man....*pui pui* hee....nothing lah....i guess the last day of carrying those heavy, bulky stuff really drained me of all my energy.

well, i shall update more about my trip stuff later on; after i translate whatever i had written in my diary while i was in HK.
anyways, just a little summary about my trip. i made some REALIZATIONS about myself and others.

realization #1:
i'm not really a shop-till-ya-drop person. the next time i go on a trip, shopping shall only take up 1/4 of my trip. i prefer to go and relax on a beach/way up on a mountain; enjoy being surrounded by serene scenic places.....
why?
well....my legs really broke after i walked 5 days around HK. up and down jordan, yau ma tei and mongkok. around central and causeway bay; and just to add on, me and xian didnt finish walking causeway bay at all lor...
at one point, i was scrambling into watson to find YOKO YOKO.
i'm a loser...haha....(WHO CARES? its MY LEG leh!)

realization #2:
you gotta be daring to TRY and SPEAK. using my super-duper broken cantonese, i managed to find my way to some places hee....you really gotta be DARING when travelling abroad.
and er.....no one knows who i am. heh...i'm free to do what i wan! like how i acted like local and spoke to peixian ALOUD in cantonese while i was on the MTR escalator...

realization #3:
xian said i became friendlier *er...why the spelling looks weird?* after working in delifrance. dunno what makes her think in that way though. but em, applying the if-you-smile-the othere party-would-also-smile logic that i learnt from deli, i find that it really works! maybe i was lucky, i met friendly peeps too. like this uncle whom i shared table with while eating dim sum...he's so loud, as in, he talks so openly and friendly. reminds me of jamin actually....
and HK sales persons are superb in their services, they greet ya loud when u stepped in; they helped ya search for stuff no matter how difficult it is (the staff at the G2000 removal sale store were the BEST and not forgetting Grace of Simple at Langham Place plus the cute gals at bauhaus) their UPselling techniques are..... 5 *****

seriously when u go travelling, talk to the locals when possible. you get a different feel....

realization #4:
HK is just like singapore! people and buildings everywhere...if you say singapore is packed, go look at HK pls. and true enough, you dont have to know when to cross the road, peeps behind will push ya forward...

a lot more stuff to say....check out my later postings....
=)

its official

2005-05-28T20:18:00.000+08:00

just measured my shoulder width and head circumference....
measurements for my convo gown.

=)
its official, i had graduated.
scraped through and got the 2nd class honours (lower). oh yes....its a LOWER, but well, i'm already very appreciative of it.
sadz. just heard from mumu that ah yi din make it thru her SM. shucks....must have felt horrible for her; gotta try calling her later i guess.

well, leaving for hongkong in 8hrs time.
not feeling very excited yet. but i feel very glad that i got many peep's blessings.
aunt bette (who even got her HK colleague to gimme her SOS hotline, hee...), grandma, my parents, my darling bro (he'll screamed when he see how i packed my luggage) and MAMA and jamin.
......

well, i shall listen to MAMA's words too: just play hard, dun tink = )

my migraine had been hurting me this whole week. very pain loh..... :'(

ok ok....no frowns. i'm gg to have to finish packing my luggage, print out my intineries, get ready my camera. *hands on the hips, legs apart* i'm shouting out aloud: HONG KONG here i COME!!!
miss ya HOME......

(i'm crazy) haha.....*er.....head PAIN !!!!!!!*

johnson's baby ....

2005-05-25T22:09:00.000+08:00

met mindy today.
had a nice korean lunch with her at cineleisure's foodcourt. hee, yeah baby, low budget meals! plus i got to accompany her to eat the korean food that her Hans never ate with her.
*hey, to Mr Hans, pls eat that with my dear sometimes....cos she loves it actually! haha*

mindy is still so herself...cool. and she's really cute when she started to get interested in trying to figure out who are the authors by looking at the chinese translation while we were at kino.
great. she's still the same.
hope she'll remain like this...and see that she maintain her love and trust to her loved ones =)
muackssss dear sassy gal ;)

feel sleepy at 22:14! that's like so early for me....but i'm really sleepy.
was already feeling so when i was on the train today from orchard to yishun. had wanted to sleep when i got home cos i tot i would be alone...but then my mum was at home!
Zzzzzzzzz......feel relief that i'm working afternoon tmr suddenly.

ah...wat's with the title of this post?
hm...johnson's baby products gives you smooth skin like those of cute little babies. PLUS they are NO MORE TEARS! so i'll have to use them more these days......till that time comes....

tmr...midnight, i shd be able to get my results liao.
*fingers crossed*

~ snorezzzzzzz ~ kunz.....

...

2005-05-23T20:22:00.000+08:00

....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................
...as the days pass by, i wipe my tears and say goodbye....
....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................
....................................................................................................

peeps only realised what is most dear to them when they lost them.
some may say that that'll be too late.
but seeing things from another perspective, well, at least they did realised.
it's in anyway better than they never know what or who they had loved and what or who they had lost.

saying "i love you" is easy. feeling "i love you" is so much more difficult...

~thank you. i love you~
feel it? say it.

:'(

2005-05-22T00:16:00.000+08:00

Locked out of the house.
Wasted $2.60 on a cab just to travel 200m to and fro my house.
*the radio played buble's HOME just when i was waiting for the cab; ya seriously i really wanna GO HOME at that time...cos i would be home alone*
……
well well, who asked me to forget my keys huh? Pui to me!!!

It’s 12am. Tired.
Just had dinner @ crystal jade with yingying and ruiya. It was almost like a year ago when I last met them. Even though it was only a short meet up but I’m just glad things didn’t change much. No changes can be quite a good thing actually.

I guess it’s because peeps know that I should be graduating soon hence the first thing they’ll asked will be when I’m going back there.
Of course the next thing on their mind would be: then wat are you doing in er….delifrance?

I’d said my piece.
No one understands so I won’t even bother to say anymore.
The only person whom I thought would understand and listen to me – listens no more. Maybe I didn’t try to communicate but its hard when the feeling is so “far away”.

Nvm…some hurt can only be felt and left to myself.
er.....will cry again loh......
er.....can i just disappear by myself to somewhere?

come FLY with me

2005-05-20T00:37:00.000+08:00

~ come fly with me
~ let's fly let's flyaway

i gave xian a disclaimer.
in times when your travelling partner (i.e. me) decides that the hotel is really comfy. she has the right to request to stay and rot in the room.
and during the trip, breakfast in the hotel and room services is a MUST try.
she rolled her eyes and decide to ignore me....hpmhhhh.....haha
_____________________________________________________________________

missed my hall suddenly.
maybe cos i wanted to be alone. when i lived alone, i have all the world to myself. i would wake up horribly early, washed my clothes, irons mine and liza's clothes (yup, my dear roomie). then maybe go for a run or sweep and mops the floor!
i'll take 199 to jp and perhaps sink my teeth into the THICK toasts of LJS...

everyone needs to spend time alone to themselves. really.

hm...had wanted to walked home today again. but it was raining. i didnt want to walk in the rain like that time when i got my feet all soaked.

want to be alone. dun tink. dun rationalize.
juz rot.stone.listen to music and read or write.
well, i guess it'll be hard not to do some thinking along the way.
____________________________________________________________________

dun hurt me. i BITE!
i'll protect myself, whatever the method used, be it right or wrong.

~ sWaY ~

2005-05-18T23:53:00.000+08:00

~ other dancers may be on the floor
~ dear but my eyes could see only you
~ only you have that magic technique
~ when we sway i go weak

Sway and dance darlins and dears....keke i got the CD just now! i just couldnt get enough of this song. after playing the cd at deli yest, i was telling myself i am going to buy it!
wat am i doing now?
~ for once in my life
~ i've got someone who needs me
~ someone i've needed so long
~ for once unafraid
~ i can go where life leads me
~ and somehow i know i'll be strong
hee....i'm listening to the CD....

fadli said i'm getting to be more and more like ah pie. cos i cleaned and cleaned and cleaned all the time esp the sandwich bar! of cos lah, i'm treating it like my baby, hey me and elvis really CLEANSE it thoroughly that day, i dun wan it to be filled with funny stuff that looked like decomposed squids!
___________________________________________________________________

well well, i realised other than myself, there're peeps who are reading my blog! and LaoPa *robin lah* left me my 2nd comment for groundes!
just as well, i guess lao pa, you saw wat i written rite? i'm too shy to say sorry personally....hehe

oh, let me shun bian introduce who is my lao pa.
he's the male version of Janet Li <--- er...me! (and i'm the female version of him loh) that's why i'm his daughter. haha...we'll really pretty alike in many ways; even the keychain we used happened to be the same. he's happily (er...mr robin low, you PROMISED me one ah!) enjoying himself in venice now. but sadly he told me there's no boats and river *WHY?* once again, i'm telling you, you are getting thinner, not FATTER! though you looked like the korean star in the drama "lover's in Paris" now, i (and everyone of us) would want you to get back to the healthier you with more flesh! keke.... dun forget wat you promised before u left singapore; and of course my ONE little dark choc from the last country that you'll be at = ) ____________________________________________________________________ and hm...so you happened to read my blog accidentally. yes. like you said: as long as you move on with your life and dun dwell on your past (you're helping yourself to pick yourself up.)

seriously, you helped me to pick myself up. true, i did put in effort to move on with life but your presence helped me to do it faster. i never say before but you really did eased the pain....
by putting me in the shop, it was already the best cure you did to me!

well, i really did feel very protected when i'm with myself in my own world.
but deep down , i knew i'll have to pull myself out of this...
that's the other "thing" about LEOs.
~even when the sky is falling down, the lion knows how to handle~

i was blessed with angels like you and rose and my other friends. similarly i wished you'll be blessed with smiling angels too =)
____________________________________________________________________

er...tink one of my speakers in my laptop is not working well.
SOMEONE pls help me to format my dear laptop!!! it seemed to be suffering from lao ren chi dai zhen these days...the reaction time is getting longer and longer.... :'(

~ sway me smooth, sway me now ~
i'm gonna ask tracy if salsa can be danced with buble's version of sway. haha....i cant dance, so i'll make her dance. keke!

OH!!! how can i forget to write this!!!!
i got my seats confirmed !!!
WHEEEEEE....after walking 4 to 5 times up and down the stretch along outram park, we found the agency and paid the money and got the seats. simply waiting for confirmation of the hotel and the tickets....lalalalala i'm flying next SUNDAY!
and you know wat? my grandma is sooooooo sweeet! she came to my house at late nite just to gimme an amulet to bless me for my trip abroad. MUACKSSSSS keke....

okies i gg to log off...*snores* er....my mum says i'm snoring louder these days! *eyes rolling, excuse me*

.

2005-05-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

i tink i getting very shitty lately......
easily frustrated. easily agitated.easily teary.
to sum up: EMOTIONAL.

i dun understand why either. a few days ago, i could attribute everything to PMS. but then, er....as the name says, the P shd stand for Pre rite? so how could it be that i'm still so edgy lately...
sianz. all i asked for was really something simple. oh well, maybe my reference point was something higher than wat peeps would refer to...that's why it may seemed HIGH for some others bah.

well....hm, as usual i cheered up a little at work.
it's gonna be steven's last day tmr. hee....i remembered i really dun like him the first time *hunky pumpkin!!!!* haha but it turned out that if we take away those stupid, lame dumb jokes of his, he's kinda okie actually. nurul and i laughed till pengz these 2 days working with him.....though most of the time we really just feel like stangling him and lock him in the cold room! hahaha.....
he kept saying that his 6mth in delifrance made him more certain of where he wanna go in future. talking about persuing DREAMZ......
___________________________________________________________________

tmr, i gg to book the tickets. felt bad about making xian stuck between me n her parents abt the issue. but seriously i was so sad and disappointed when she said i may just have to go with tracy by myself. much as i have that i-must-go attitude, i still would wish she go with me....
but well, hm, *fingers crossed*.
___________________________________________________________________

i wanted to sms robin just now, telling him i am really sorry for distancing myself from him during that period when i was at my lowest point of life....in fact, i owe apologies to a lot of other peeps whom i distanced myself from...
maybe that's what LEOs do?
i distance myself to protect myself. i didnt want anyone else in my life to come near me. i was just afraid of something....and i didnt want any pity maybe.....

so well, when i'm being distanced this time round, i guess i understand wat's it all about.
it takes time for wounds to heal and trust to form...

YAWNZ........tired and i shd get out of the weird posture of mine *folded in to a ball-shape, crouching on the floor to type on my laptop* bones very suan.......and talking about bones, my chestbones still hurt after my brother jabbed the wheels of his gu-niang army luggage into me.....*OUCHHHHHHH*

feeling sadz

2005-05-17T00:06:00.000+08:00

sad.

sianz.

called kp before i went to work today. was already feeling down, tired and having the throbbing headache.
when i finally made that call, things got worse. especially after they told me work starts at 17th july (oh well, hm, orientation starts that day and its in Johor bahru. actual work starts the next day.) the only word that came to my mind when i heard that was: tamade
damn....their HR really sucks. to think they never informed me about anything. if i hadnt made that call, i'll probably still be thinking that i'm starting in august...
fine. i admit that i feel sadz cos i gotta leave deli earlier than i had planned.
and the feeling of sadness is getting stronger after i have those thoughts of not going back kp.

i need time to allow myself to detach from deli and the people there. not say TOTALLY DETACH lah....i'll miss them no matter what! i have to make sure i dun condemn my new workplace just before its not deli.
well, maybe to look at the brighter side, i'll make sure i maintain the same postive attitude that i learnt from there when i'm slogging in kp. = )

guess i was really agitated about the issue; samuel kept asking me to chill......*cool*
___________________________________________________________________

okie em i gg to stop here. but before that, let me finish my final sentence:
KP's HR seriously SUCKS! someone please do something about it...else i'll really go in and try to turn things DOWNSIDE UP

`nitez`

~ drEamZ ~

2005-05-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

Physically tired.
Like what nurul had said, today is a POWER day. Hm…not as stress as like the previous weekends; perhaps its due to the combination today. And em, I’m at the sandwich bar today for most of the time. Havent really done that during weekends before.
Kinda felt “i-am-in-a-fixed” feeling and I think it was also the first time today I felt I was rude to a customer who kept asking questions (when all of us know that she aint going to buy them!). Now I really do understand why Jamin show “the face” sometimes. As they always said, “you gotta be in that position to feel it yourself; be in the other person’s shoes”. Ya, I got that!
But when I was the cashier, with the long queue behind me, this customer who bought 2 baguettes suddenly called me by the name and say thank you! Dun ask me why but I always felt good when customers do that. Perhaps it felt closer to the heart ……

About one more month left. One more month to do what I like.
Before I start to do something that I haven’t yet realized what I like about.

So no matter what happens during this month, I am not going to give up.
JANET LI PEISHI, remember tis!
No matter what comes along the way, take it and learn.

I got to talk to hwee huang about the prospects as a MT. She happily shared with me, emphasizing, at the same time, that BU YAO PA XING KU. Ah Pie giggled to herself as hwee huang directed her words at Pie. And the 3 of us laughed out loud.
Low pay; unusual working hours (but well, em guys, it goes the same for auditors!); coping with stress and relationship management.
Seriously I am tempted to join despite all the above. It doesn’t matter that I studied accountancy*my uncle REMINDED me*; well, I’ve always been doing things in the opposite direction remember?
If I had continued my biology studies after the A’s, I’ll probably be in my 3rd year of studies in the Medicine School now.

Mentally tired.
Struggling in the heart. I had made the decision but suddenly I’m swayed.
Well, I guess I’ll gotta have to stick to my decision no matter what.
I cant afford to buy myself out now yet...delifrance wont buy me out, would they? Hahahha….that’s a pretty FAT hope!
And I’m sick of hearing my dad and my uncle saying and wondering what in the world am I doing at delifrance, working almost everyday and slogging to earn a mere $3.50 per hr! they still don’t understand I didn’t really work for the money only. It’s for the experience (for how many times must I REPEAT that???) that I seeked for. Felt pretty sad when I got home today and heard them saying that!
I thought my dad would understand, apparently, I was wrong all the while……
So many people thought I’m stupid. *just because I’m stupidchild doesn’t mean I’m really stupid*
At least I got the courage to try, aint it? Its never too late to realize my dreams…

Yesterday, I was at the counter and hao si bu si, I saw the HAO SE chia…he knew who I was but didn’t made extra comment. I dun like the way he was looking at me…gives me the creep and made me wanna say: PUI ! get your lemon tea and get lost ….*heh, my devilish side spoke out just now*

Forgot where I heard this from: People who try to realize their dreams always do crazy things…things that no one except themselves understand.
I’ll remember this!

So if you are asking me what’s with my msn nick, let me just repeat it:
YES, I’m working in DELIFRANCE and there’s seriously nothing wrong with it plus I’m really PROUD of it. So STOP looking at me like that!

Tired again. (and I start to realize that I’m been saying I’m tired lately, I guess I’m really there…)
Sianz of hearing my dad’s weird grumbles.

Ok ok…I’m not gonna whine anymore, going to sleep early. Tomorrow I working afternoon, phew….
Nites *Zzzzzzzzzzzz*

oUcH !!!!!!

2005-05-13T19:58:00.000+08:00

got a "plastic cut".
*plastic cut: a new term that means a DEEP cut by a plastic clear cover of delifrance's 12ounce clear cup*

PUI !!! and its really a deep cut; i didnt dare to open up the cut fearing that all the blood will gush out. so i simply grab a plaster and TAPED it up. *OUCHH......it still hurts lo!* alright nvm. hm...today is the launch of a new promo product: Le Seafood Pasta (erm, i got it right did i?)
and i was the first pasta maker! stressed at first, but well, things turned out to be pretty ok la. sales aint going fast (well, no fret, i guess its just the first day, not much peeps know about it yet). not enough advertisement maybe. hee....as we were joking, we could get fizal to hang the promo board on the neck and walk around northpoint to create AWARENESS, keke...
long lunchtime queue today. very long. similar stress but phew the queue vanished as soon as it came.

going for spring cleaning in an hour's time. this will be my first spring cleaning; i dunno maybe my last as well. watever lah, just hope to clean clean the shop and get rid of the xiaoqiangs....HAIYO, i'm starting to be immune to seeing them scrambling past me at the beverage counter. AND never forgetting how i caught one at the condiment station (YESH, finally i knew wat you call that station from the pasta's SOP manual) right in front of the 2 regular customers.

anyways i was helping my MAMA to dry the plates today and suddenly she whispered to me: eh, just now hwee huang said you very guai
my reaction: POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF! hahahaha
funny loh....hearing myself being said guai!
i'm not .... i'm a stubborn kid who's not guai at all and i'm a devil at times too.... *horns and tails coming out.....* and erm, let me reveal a secret here: i'm still wearing white SOCKS *er....this word came after my editing; prior to that the word it had substituted was SHORTS. hm...wat was i thinking? =p* beneath my pants.... hee *ooooops*
ok ok i'm sorry...i'll wear black ones when the country manager arrives.

and talking about hweehuang....er.....she gave me a new assignment: to check out how to operate her phone mp3's function! haha cute loh....i'm still using my traditional darlin of 6510! hee...nvm, let's see what i can find from nokia's webby.
___________________________________________________________________

wheee....the AM of Majestic hotel REPLIED.
so excited....hope things turn out good.

gotta go....muacksss and hugsss

.

2005-05-12T23:15:00.000+08:00

2nd post. after like an hour of posting the previous one!

haha....

er.....HEY....shitty me, why i sign??? i kept telling peeps not to do that and i just did....BISH myself....

watching this chinese show on scv.
shows are sometimes weird, they treat audiences like fools...how can the gal disguise as a guy and NO ONE knows?

irritating. its like a mental block.
cos i got so much to write yet i dunno how to put it down.
hm...never mind, let's end this short post:

it doesnt matter where you are or what situation you're in, as long as you know what you want to do and what you are doing!

stay cool...and well, drink Qoo white grape when i'm feeling down. =)

~ flyaway ~

2005-05-12T22:37:00.000+08:00

reminds me of michal buble's song. and oh liang jing ru's song as well.

flying away.
queen and pt are already in ohio for almost a week! lao pa is also spending his 4th day in erm...tink he's still in paris now before hopping now to milan?!?! hee, blur about his long itinery.

and me? finally i had come to settle the details for my HK trip. and HENG AH, i asked tracy about the price she paid, else i would kena KA by the janet of HOLIDAY BAGUS liao....*seemed that i was right in typing HOLIDAY BOGUS previously haha* to think i share the same name as her!!!!
*hi may i speak to janet? erm, this is janet here! keke....kewl*
hopefully all things turn out right.

i flipped through my OLD passport just now.
pathetic, should i say that?
just one shop to JB and another to THAI.....
hee, nvm lah, at least i got 2 little chops right? be contended....at least if things go right this time, i should have 1 more chop to HK !!!

anyways i went online to check out the hotel that i'll be staying in. woooooo hoooooo....looks cosy and nice! dearie peixian, pls dun nag at me if i'm gg to stay in the hotel all day okie? keke....you know you have a weird friend here ;)
___________________________________________________________________

hm...i know i have something in the heart that i wanted to write about here. just dunno how to write it.
feel cold lately, more and more cold...

walked home today once again. but i spent the time planning my trip.
but that awkward feeling is there. somewhere.
so cold.

when i finally reached my void deck, the thought came back to me:
if i'm gone, you'll cry for me, wont you?

i hope you will.

*nites*

.

2005-05-11T00:51:00.000+08:00

hm....3rd time i editing this post. if there's a 4th time i'm going to edit this post again, i know wat i'll do: DUMP IT !

Who am I but a passer-by in people's life?

Last Sunday was the saddest day I had since my first day of work in Deli. I didn’t just drop a tear like I did the week before; it was just so pain.
I walked back home from the shop; took a detour around yishun park and walked the route that I always take for my run.
I kept talking to myself throughout the walk. Telling myself not to be stress. It was just another suay day where I allowed myself to lose control of my emotions. forget about the stares, glares, shouts and #$(%&#($%&(#$&% *whatever.....*

i dun understand why i felt that way too...The familiar feeling of hurt just came back.
It’s the EXACT same feeling!
tired physically, awake mentally -> i sorted out something along the way

i'm ALONE......and i havent really gotten used to it?!?!

I took on a longer route despite my tired legs. I didn’t want to go home, I only wanted to be alone, thinking. I switched off my phone and talked to myself, thinking to myself. things aint gg the right way suddenly......

they say: Love is a weird thing. It’s an extra burden that you have to take; where you have to start worry about that someone; where you start to have to think of ways to keep that someone happy…but you just take it with stride and 100% willingness…

I’m not really sure what I’m babbling about now. But I just feel like putting something down. Jamin said that bad memories shouldn’t even be recorded (what’s the point of keeping these memories?) but what she didn’t know is that for most of my diary entries, they are nothing but sad memories.
I wrote my diaries especially when I’m feeling down because penning them down makes me realized my pain and in fact makes me feel better. I dun have anyone to share these pain with (who and how should I say all these??? No way and no one…) so the only way is to write them down!

I dunno how to hate cos to forgive is my priority. But I never forget PAIN. So pain…..really, cannot forget at all…..

I wanna be a kid again. Being a kid is certainly so much easier…so much easier…

Suddenly everyone is gone …… everyone ...... the old and the new ones
___________________________________________________________________

if i can, i wished and pray that jamin find back herself and the trust in people...
sad to see her in this way....i wanted to help but i dunno how or rather am i in any position to do so?
she's so distant these days....so far away i wonder who is the person i'm talking to sometimes!

___________________________________________________________________

if there's always a reason for why things happen, may we find the reason soon......

.

2005-03-02T21:01:00.000+08:00

jamin smsed me this:

there's a difference between interested in something and committment to something.
when you are interested in something, you do it only when it's convenient for you; when you are committed to something, you want no excuses but only results.

i couldnt really get the gist of it at first.
after "discussing" with pt and queen, the meaning became clearer. the meaning is indeed cheem.
i guess with that definition, you'll know when you are interested in something and when you are committed to something.

feeling very tired today. just very tired.
maybe i was losing out to the devil today. my eyes cant control but closes themselves.
feel the stress on myself recently. and the feeling of L.O.S.T is happening, on-and-off.

the statement came to my mind suddenly: people changed.
zeeann said that i am different when i chatted with her on msn.
i felt strange. i asked myself, am i a changed person?

and i realised: i am.

i keep myself very busy. so busy so that i wont have time to think about other things.
meanwhile, i still think a lot but the thoughts are all jumbled up, not organized by any structure.
which led me to become .... *what was i trying to say? i FORGOT*
i've changed but seriously i dunno where the change had taken place.
perhaps, what i'm more clear is that: there's a extra sense of silence in me.
it's not a bad thing.
my eyes are still closed....havent been looking around much. *weak smile*

___________________________________________________________________

fyp is due next week. michael said we could get a minimum of B; i was quite disappointed at first. but well, i'll work harder for pt and queen as well, hoping to push the B to the A.

the devil is still in me.....very sleepy......
___________________________________________________________________

tmr...one month...felt some changes in him too. but are they real changes?
*no one knows, except himself......or maybe even he is as L.O.S.T as i am*

~good nite, devil~

gan chu

2005-03-01T01:06:00.000+08:00

jamin commented: people changed and she shook her head as she counted the cash from the register.
i walked passed her towards the counter and said: well, as long as you dont change.

i dunno how she felt about my comments.

but well, den she shoot me another question: your last year huh? den wat are you gg to work as?
"auditor."

"oh, so you got offer?"

*nod head*

"so u leaving (delifrance) ah?"

"yes....i'll be very sad"

she didnt say anything anymore.

yes, i'll very sad. and afraid that i'll miss delifrance very much in kp. well well.......
i met special persons in my 21 year of life as for now...i realised, jamin is one of them. = )
___________________________________________________________________

i listened to ying rue ri ji today while going back to deli just now.
and heard the story. and the songs "tu ran zhi jian" and "yan shen".
i shed tears...and wiped them off quickly before anyone in the mrt saw.
it was the last comment that ling zhi made which made me think...

"ji shi ni ceng jin you guo yi duan hen shen shen de gan qing; yi dan jie su le, jiu ying gai yao dong de fang kai.
zhen kai ni de yan, fang kai ni den xin fang, qu fa xian ni shen pang shen ai ni de ren......"

i'll learn to do so.
though i'm afraid to fall in love now......

growing up....

2005-02-28T10:52:00.000+08:00

Felt a reluctance to grow up suddenly.
As you grow up, you are endowed with more responsibility.
*aint that an irony? When we are a child, we always hope that we could be given more responsibility*
you take on more roles as you understand more things.
The same set of emotions that we have when we are born is expressed for another different set of reasons.
And sadly, sometimes, we expressed it for the wrong set of reasons.
Oh, it may be a very accurate statement actually. S
hm...suddenly I thought of how babies, they cry to get attention and love; grown-ups do that as well.
The difference comes in the responses we get from the cries made for the same reason.

Well, maybe my mind just develops at a much rapid rate than my actual age does. i'm a 35 year old inside a 21 year old shell (remember?) or well....maybe using peiting's description, it shd be this way:
a 35 year old mind in a 15 year old-looking shell, but, with a 40 year old belly but in actual fact, i'm only *clear throat* recognized as 21 year old. *PUI! POOF!*

~cheng zhang cheng zhang, wo yi cheng zhang~

baby --> child --> young adult --> adult --> elderly
which stage would you want to be?

Why am I getting emotional in the early morning of the day?
Strange thoughts does evolve in the middle of typing fYp report. Oh well, let me give them a nicer term: inspirations = )
___________________________________________________________________________________

I thought I ought to inform xingyong about it. I only TELL to certain peeps personally cos I think they are worth my effort of doing that.
And indeed I realize, I don’t have to tell EVERYONE as well (not that I would bother to do that. I mean for what? To amplify my miserableness ?!?! xiao….i told myself I aint going to spread my self-pitying). Cos such news just spread easily through human mechanics *strange terms coming up…..(rolling eyes)*

Heard a song by my strange embedded fave, yang qianhua (yesh, the gal whom I always tot would remind me of my ‘daughter’ weili). Some di xia tie theme song. It says I will always believe that somewhere there is this person who thinks and does the same as me.

= ) do you think so?

*back to fyp report*

.

2005-02-27T20:20:00.000+08:00

it was a very busy day at work. i was really busy till i forgot what time it was and forgot that i didnt take any lunch at all as i worked from 8am to 5pm today.
well, saw some ridiculous customers today who forgotten that while service crews are also human beings. their faces really SUCK. urguuu...
it was also the first time at work that i saw the peeps in delifrance being so GLUM. teamwork really plays a big part; when you dont have that kinda teamplayers you like (hm, dont really know how to say it actually but i just have that kinda feeling), everything can go gar-bra!

and well, just when jamin said she was always impressed by me, silly stupidchild did another silly thing today. i was serving an egg baguette onto a customer's plate and before the sandwich got onto the plate, it ROLLED onto the glass table-top !!!!!
ahhhhh.....damn embarassed as i was when jamin tried to da yuan chang in front of the customer by saying, ' oh u r soooo CUTE, the sandwich shd be on the plate, darlin'
silly silly silly me ! haha
and poor jamin....she always looked like the almighty one, but today i dunno how she kena hurt at the back, and i bet it was so painful cos tears basically rolled down her eyes....sobz. it only reminded me of how i had fell and hurt myself at the back when i jabbed my back into the sharp edge of the steps if the canteen stairs in hwa chong....i felt so much pain i couldnt say anything even when i saw peiwen, who tot i was sitting on the steps....*crys*

hm, jamin made a comment today. she said when u smile sincerly from the bottom of your heart, customers will be as nice to you as well. i AGREE ... at least, the customers i met today did smile broadly to me when i smile at them =)

___________________________________________________________________

i dunno and i forgot why...i cried yesterday before i go to sleep. em, not cry actually, but just shedding some tears.
oh ... i remembered why.
cos peixian was happily telling me that tm had passed his driving test. i made the comment that it would be very xing fu to be able to sit in your dear's car, having him beside you. i guess the memories just came back when well you drove me in your car thrice...*is there such a word actually? haha*

peixian reminded me once again that i SHDNT harbour any thoughts about getting back with you. i told her, ya, at the bottom of my heart, this tot does present. but i know i shouldnt do that at all...

after writing all those stuff about the "ring theory" yest; i suddenly thought to myself: what story does my ring tells?
i dunno how to tell it too.

never see you online these days...busy with finishing your report for submission tmr? or you had blocked me?
forget it; i had better do my fyp now! shit , TMD, i am really thinking i couldnt even qualify for a second class lower.....alright, the more i know it, the more i should work harder this final semester!

~ciao~

.

2005-02-26T22:37:00.000+08:00

hey....my blog has the FIRST comment!

haha...thks peiting aka the prawny freak.
hey, hope you and queen had read the post that's FULL in chinese lately, cos that was written for you, dear gals...

well, another day of fyp. i reckon doing discussions in cafes is certainly better than in school computer labs =)
it was spinelli @ novena square yest. today we are back at pacific cafe @ raffles link. and yup, we met the couple whom we thought they were just going to SINK and MELT and BLEND into the sofa that we had been EYEING for very very long...
we also encounter the group of students who were discussing some auditing assignments...and the sofa on which they sat on had STEAM sizzling out after they took their leave. *er...well, at least we thought we saw steam...ok, i know, queen and freak will be saying "nooooo.....we DIDNT see, only peishi saw it!" haha...nvm...

it was quite a good day actually. and queen and i finally got to taste the infamous YU LIU MIAN (well, i chose the JI TUI FAN cos i shared the ZHU PAI MIAN with freak) @ the ren yan xi shao de foodcourt @ shaw center. it was really wu chao suo zhi; yum yum, thks freak, for introducing that place....*frankly, i still dun agree that you are not very familiar with what food is nice, what food is not, hee...its a COMPLIMENT ok?*

and finally, i went to collect the contact lenses from ang mo kio today. perhaps janis did leave e deep impression cos the boss asked about her immediately upon me reaching there. and well, i updated him that my dear friend is MISSING home! haha...that gal ah, called me and asked, YOU MEI YOU XIANG WO? eeeeeks....so mushy...hahaha looks like she's really missing singapore!

___________________________________________________________________

no wonder friendster is taking so damn slow to load the pic...that pic was 1.03MB ! haiyo...now i know why my laptop is slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow...haha
shit, i just realised, i am writing longer and erm longer posts....

but well, they said writing your emotions will help you to feel better, so well, i am still going to write it no matter what!

ok, back to the photo thingy. not really sure what i want by uploading that picture. but one thing for sure is it bring back the "those-were-the-days" --> happy times !
and after looking through the photos did i know that i had quite a number of picture of him, queen and peixian! =) why didnt i look through those pictures carefully in the past?
*PROCRASTINATION kills.....*

___________________________________________________________________

i started to wear the ring that have our names on it again. this time on the middle finger. and this few days i had been observing people. i saw plenty of guys wearing rings on their 4th finger! it reminds me of jason, the one in kpmg. and i dunno why the idea that guys who wear rings are nice.....no rationale behind actually; in fact there's no logic.

but well, behind every ring, is a story between 2 people, a boy and a girl. it symbolises something important for both of them; not just a recognition of the special bond between them.

a different story evolves when the ring is not on the fingers anymore or when it had found itself on another finger.

what is your version of your story? *thinking.....*

yeah....my picture finally gets uploaded! at least i was "smart" emough to crop the picture so as to make its size smaller...=)

feeling something strange...feeling something pain

2005-02-24T23:43:00.000+08:00

Was it a coincidence?
Or was it another wait-and-see game between the 2 of us?

Just when I changed my profile; you changed yours.
Never thought you would display your picture. Never

Maybe the both of us are changing.
I was sad when I saw you had changed your profile. It seemed like a further recognition.
I almost cry when the pain sinks in. But well, it’s the early part of the entire day. I can’t wreck it like that.

I really don’t know what you are thinking.
I thought I had come to understand you a bit. But it seems you are getting further and further away from what I thought you would be……
We were losing confidence in each other and in ourselves.

Friends didn’t go missing; as long as we don’t shut them out, they are forever there!
*thank you all my friends, the old ones, the existing ones and the newly-made ones*

I’m going to do my fyp. I think I felt better.

Is our photo still on your board?
*FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP FYP*

.

2005-02-24T15:58:00.000+08:00

hm...corrections to be made to the last post; with regard to queen's and xiaowen's comments.

instead of "oh, i want a BIGGER one actually." it should have been, "oh you mean you have a BIGGER one?"

i apologise for any inconveniences caused....*hahahah*

in the library now...sianz, waiting to go for tuition. ok queen, like u had said, i'm reaching that "drifting away" mode now...SM text is making me fall asleep very soon.

FYP meeting tmr again. i really wish we dun have to meet on sunday; cos i'll be working till 1700. real tired.......
ok, i'm gg to get back to my text.

oh, i'm finishing the LITTLE PRINCE soon. thoughts about the story aside, it had make me realise something. it takes me only 2 days to complete the book that i had bought like almost a year ago?!?!
damn damn....stupidchild, procrastination KILLS!

.

2005-02-23T00:47:00.000+08:00

had wanted to write in my usual chinese....but my lovely "CASH" i.e. my laptop is really bu xing le! tink i really need to format it somehow soon, cos its really getting very very very slow and very very very prone to shang diao aka HANG !

arghhh....like i had juz told tracy, this ah pek that i met at work today...
he paid $3.80 for his quiche lorraine in denominators of 5 cents and 10 cents....TAMADE ! it was really unimaginable someone would do that !!! urguuu....
and oh, today i recalled and had shared with my friends that "MINI BREAST" story.....
i guess i'm a pretty silly gal sometimes....
and yes, xiaowen and queen....i wont forget, the comments u made today
"oh no, I want the BIGGER one actually...." hahahhaha

____________________________________________________________________

started to restart on my book of the LITTLE PRINCE.
it was a very CHEEM story; and i guess i was pretty affected by what the author had wrote in the prelude, that he hope those who are reading the book, reads the story with a serious mindset.
i was reading and thinking through each simple phrase and sentences...

apparently, the part about the LITTLE PRINCE and the FLOWER with thorns brought my mind to a stir...
i was reminded of the both of us at that sudden moment.
i couldnt rem that exact phrase which spark that sudden feeling...but somehow i felt it.

during work today, the cd-player was playing britney's "from the bottom of my broken heart" there was an english song that describes my feelings ! ......

not forcing myself to forget everything.just taking things in its own stride.
i can do "winks" now in my msn and sms...
but i cant smile yet.....smiles on my face dun come from my heart nowadays; its just not the time yet...
well, it takes time for cuts on fingers to heal rite? that's the same as for wounds on the heart....

i'll try.
a few minutes ago, i plucked the courage to change the status of "in a relationship" to "single" in my friendster profile. perhaps, somehow, i was already changing and making myself to adapt...

i felt lonely while waiting for the bus to go home after work just now. in the past, i would definitely had sms you at that time. *i can even imagine wat the sms would be: dear, i just knocked off le....wah the stupid bus is taking so long to come...*
well, though my phone are silent these days without ur calls n sms.......i just have to adapt to that...
guess you are still in the lab now, jia you!

nitez

愛.友情

2005-02-21T23:35:00.000+08:00

曾經收到一個sms.

one day, LOVE n FRENSHIP met. LOVE asked FRENSHIP, "why do u exist when i already exist?"
FRENSHIP replied, "to put a smile where u leave tears"

今天對這則sms特別有感觸.
記得那時有個人問我故事的其中道理. 我解釋地頭頭是道; 如今更可以說是感同身受.
親愛的Queen, 謝謝你!
親愛的freaky MCPT, 謝謝你!
今天有你們的鼓勵讓我心情好了許多...
原來那天嚇到你了, Queen對不起...MCPT, 你問我那天的表情是什麼樣的?
告訴你: the face that i showed you today is nothing compared to the face i had on me that day...

記得那天一早起來就覺得很不舒服.
很早便到了學校想為下午的SM game做準備. 在canA讀了些資料後,便開始覺得不行了.頭痛了;心也跟著痛了.收音機播著李圣杰的<痴心絕對>.很巧;因為心裡想著如果今天讓我聽到李圣杰的歌,我就一定打電話約他出來把事情說清楚. 好了,一切就好像是天註定的一樣.......
把頭低下來,想讓自己休息一下.
過沒多久, 眼淚掉了下來.先是一兩滴...後來哭到連自己都被嚇到了. 可能是想到了我和他的結局;也因為這陣子發生的所有事情...越想越傷心.泣不成聲時卻還能理智地想到canteen裡的人越來越多,自己在那裡哭,好丟臉!
硬逼自己把眼淚擦掉(當時隔壁坐著一個男生,他看到眼睛紅腫的我,想必也嚇到了!!!),跑到廁所裡...*好死不死的,廁所裡的queue好長*進退不如,最後還是低著頭在裡頭等著人群慢慢離去; 才躲進廁所裡哭. 想好好地哭,然後收拾好心情才進去LT上課.
以為哭完了...走出廁所,他就出現在我面前.就是那種"brush across me"的那種....
那時心裡的痛真的無法形容...托者自己走進LT...
黑著臉,低著頭.不想說話;不想上課......腦子裡七上八下......結果chen kang才剛開始講話,我便跑了出去;躲進LT1A的廁所裡.......

MC, 可以想象我的表情了嗎?

___________________________________________________________________

dont want to emphasize on my own miserableness anymore...

我還在哭嗎? 有啊....昨天剛哭!
何時會停止,我也不知道......希望能象歌詞裡頭寫的一樣吧..."感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白"

寫了這麼長,最重要的是以下的這一句:
朋友們, 謝謝你們無微不至的關心.....疼愛我的人很多;不需要我指名道姓,你們知道你們是誰...
感激.笨小孩在她人生21年裡最難過的時後,你們在那裡.
感謝.笨小孩執著與她的想法時,你們耐心的忍耐.

=)
晚安...

p.s. pt和queen說我的文筆不錯.....haha不敢當! 只是第一次把自己的內心想法流露出來...怪不好意思的...
er...最後....hee,雖然對於你們的comments不敢當, 但是還是蠻滿足,有人"誇獎"自己寫的東西.
MCPT, 如果可以,自己sponsor自己出書,我真的會考慮的leh! keke...

.

2005-02-20T19:47:00.000+08:00

最後一次了.

你說的好輕鬆.一點壓力也沒有.
你真的不當一回事嗎?還是因為終於可以得到解脫而因此無比的輕鬆.

真的很失望.你根本沒有想'繼續'的念頭.一句"過些時間再看吧!"; 我想過些時候,你的想法還是一樣的.

<害怕>
忘我沒有很努力要自己去遺忘
那些和日記一起收藏的過往
孤單在思緒之中變得很漫長
想我沒有很刻意讓自己不去想
那些和照片一起靜止的模樣
我學著堅強堅強到不用學著不想學著遺忘
還是害怕夜深人靜時總想起你
還是害怕不經意的聽見你的消息
然而當愛已經沉澱得太清晰
當擁有已經是失去就勇敢的放棄
還是害怕一個人時就很難忘記
還是害怕突然寧願當初沒有決定
然而當愛最後的出口是分離
我會這麼相信走下去

每個人現在都會問我: 最近還好嗎?
我真的連sms或msn時都無法讓自己去劃出個笑容. 這樣的我能好到那裡去?
連故作堅強的能力都沒有了. 真的都沒有了......

這一切是為了什麼? 以前會覺得一切的辛苦都有價值;因為有你.
現在呢? 承諾破碎了...我還在守候什麼? 還有什麼值得讓我繼續下去.

*哭了.又哭了*

想讓你知道這一切; 但是即使讓你知道了有用嗎?

我知道我現在應該做什麼.可是我提不起勁...也千百個不願意地想忘掉你.

振作......我要著麼振作?

堅強到不用學著不想學著遺忘

.

2005-02-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

you saw me today right?
kinda disappointed when u didnt even come to say hi......

nvm. it was awkward i guess.

very tired today. very very tired.
but there's still so many things to do.

urgu, my stomach aint feeling very good....dunno why.
and i tink there's something wrong with my body; something weird gg on but i dunno wat is it.

gg off.

.

2005-02-16T00:58:00.000+08:00

perhaps i was not supposed to post the last entry....

twice i wrote it, twice i deleted it by holding onto the DUMB shift key to select all text.....

just summarize everything into the following.

saw you today. you didnt see me. i choose to believe you didnt pretend to do that and simply BRUSH past me.

and.....no one can call me baby and gimme that feeling except you.

tired.....irritatable.....very awake

.

2005-02-16T00:49:00.000+08:00

.

2005-02-15T10:34:00.000+08:00

yet another no title.
just felt like dropping a line or two.

我將窮盡一生來尋找我的真愛. 得之, 我幸. 不得, 我命.

...............................
dunno how to continue writing.

兩個人, 在想些什麼......

.

2005-02-14T14:09:00.000+08:00

no title. nothing to describe what i am feeling.

its v-day.

left with memories; flowers that you had wrapped a year ago; a final meet up on friday.
feel very empty.

lost sleep on saturday; i thought crying my heart out in the dark may help myself to fall into sleep easily; never did i knew it doesnt work that night. perhaps that's why i was feeling so painful i send you that message.
*apparently you didnt feel anything ... or well i didnt have the feeling that it had any impact on you*

kinda decided what to do on friday. *the right song played at the right time; my computer is really smart at times*

met janis in the morning. she's leaving......felt sad like, another of my dearest leaving me. but of cos she's not leaving for good...
felt some strength after the short meeting with her; since life is unpredictable, let me make it predictable at least in the near future.

雖然安靜結束可以是個交代; 但是我們 (或著是我)不能這樣......

give me a way out......i need to get out......

~happy valentine's day, 小孩子~

when one thing doesnt go well......the rest follow suits

2005-02-13T00:59:00.000+08:00

THIS IS DAMN BLOODY SUAY................

i typed a whole lot of stuff and EVERYTHING just went away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

IF THERE'S A GOD DAMN REASON FOR ALL THIS LOSS OF LOVED ONES, REJECTED FEELINGS, MISERABLENESS..........SELF PITYING....WHATEVER SHIT IS IT,

please.....i only beg to know the reason soon.......

i cant stand this any longer.......really, not anymore........it hurts more and more with each passing seconds.....

該是時候對自己好一點了

2005-02-12T00:41:00.000+08:00

昨夜的一番折騰; 催促著我是時候找個人來聊聊了.

終於還是忍不住在mrt上說著說著就哭了.
去了harbourfront, 吃了sakae...賢問我為什麼要觸景傷情? 我也說不上來...感覺就是想走那些我們走過的道路, 回想我們有過的回憶.

賢和janis都說了我心裡一直想的事.
放不下,是因為不了解. 那種"不甘願就這樣結束"的心情.

害怕傷害你,選擇把遺憾留給自己. 但是連日下來的反復思索真的快把我弄瘋了.
迷失自己也迷失了日常的生活習慣. 甚至開始懷疑自己到底在做些什麼; 為什麼會這樣子? 到底發生了什麼事?
想的越多;心裡就更痛......你明白那種痛苦嗎?
就是做什麼都提不起勁; 成天的鑽牛角尖, 不論我多努力的鑽,卻只把自己鑽進更深,更深的坑......
答應過你我會好好的過每一天...但是真的是做不到.

決定對你殘酷些; 即使真的要結束也給我一個更完整的理由,可以嗎?
已經快崩潰了,胡思亂想著即使你告訴我你喜歡另一人了,也好過現在這樣...我真的不想留下這樣的遺憾...真的不想...

dear, 明白嗎?

歌詞篇

2005-02-10T13:41:00.000+08:00

李圣杰
<痴心絕對>
想用一杯Latte把你灌醉好讓你能多愛我一點
暗戀的滋味你不懂這種感覺早有人陪的你
永遠不會看見你和他在我面前
證明我的愛只是愚昧你不懂我的那些憔悴
是你永遠不曾過的體會
為你付出那種傷心你永遠不瞭解
我又何苦勉強自己愛上你的一切
你又狠狠逼退我的防備
靜靜關上門來默數我的淚
明知道讓你離開他的世界不可能會
我還傻傻等到奇跡出現的那一天
直到那一天你會發現
真正愛你的人獨自守著傷悲
曾經我以為我自己會後悔
不想愛的太多癡心絕對
為你落第一滴淚為你做任何改變也喚不回你對我的堅決

<手放開>
我把自己關起來只留下一個陽台
每當天黑推開城門對著夜幕發呆
看著往事一幕一幕再次演出你我的愛
我把電視機打開聽著聽著別人的對白
也許那些事情可以給我一個交代
你要的愛我學不來
眼睜睜看情變壞眼睜睜看情感慨
不能給你未來我還你現在
安靜結束也是另一種對待
當眼淚留下來傷已悄在分開也是另一種明白
我給你最好的疼愛是手放開
不要一張雙人床中間隔著一片海
感情的污點就留給時間慢慢漂白
把愛收進胸前左邊口袋
最好的疼愛是手放開
不想用言語拉扯所以選擇不責怪
感情就像候車月台有人走就有人來
我的心是一個車牌寫著等待

我把收音機打開聽著別人的失敗
哽咽的聲音彷彿訴說著相同悲哀
你的依賴還在胸懷
我無法輕易推開我無法隨便走開
感情中專心的人容易被傷害

藝人介紹:
在癡心絕對之後，就是絕對的癡心；男人最後的疼愛是手放開　　
在愛情結束的分歧點上，李聖傑選擇給予對方最後一次的疼愛，那就是「手放開」。讓自己安靜療傷，給對方海闊天空，不能給對方未來，至少還給他現在。
癡心是什麼？是愛一個人不求回報，還是愛一個人不擇手段？　　
在愛情裡傷得最重的，往往是最癡心的人；或許我們一輩子都不會瞭解，為什麼勇敢地去愛了，最後只有眼淚會同情自己。
李聖傑，用「癡心絕對」喚醒了每個人對癡心的記憶，在一片爾虞我詐的愛情遊戲中，開始有人懂得默默守候所愛的人. 但是，當癡心再怎麼絕對也挽不回愛人要走的決心時，你會選擇手放開給對方自由，還是繼續死纏爛打傷害對方，呢？
愛情的開始是美好的。兩個人互相為對方著想，包容對方的一切，但往往要到最後分手時的關鍵，才能決定相愛的兩個人往後各自的命運。　

____________________________________________________________________________________

羅志祥
<小丑魚>
我在你身邊游來游去我不敢出聲看著他親吻你
眼不能閉看你的唇印還在那裡
你隔著玻璃所以聽不見我在歎息說不出口的秘密
永遠活在小小的世界裡僅存一點稀薄的氧氣是否夠我繼續撐下去
這件脫不下來的外衣還是你喜歡的橘
我不能確定是否你曾經注意我的眼淚在透明的水裡
Lady lady one more try 再試著瞭解我的愛
發不出聲音的感慨選擇作朋友的無奈
Lady lady one more try 提醒我何時該走開
只要你偶爾想起來我就住在那片海
等我轉過身看你眼神才知道自己想得太過天真
傷得太深愛來的時候劃破沉悶
我早該知道你終究不是我該愛的人
黑暗中兩眼無神夜裡不再為我開盞燈
始終不敢將愛說出口當然沒有資格去競爭
戀愛和失戀同時發生怪自己枉費青春
我輸得徹底把臉深埋在水裡面卻還要演好這一場戲

那片海眼看就要讓我愈來愈遠回不來
從此你的不愉快那麼遙遠誰聽你埋怨
再說一遍說一遍 YA我在你身邊給你一點點愉快就
會心甘情願回到大海
Lady lady one more try 再試著瞭解我的愛
Lady lady one more try 提醒我何時該走開
只要你偶爾想起來我就住在那片海那片海

大年初二日

2005-02-10T13:08:00.000+08:00

早上一起來原本還蠻精神氣爽的.
hm...一時間卻又想起那天最後的擁抱.
當時說: dear bye bye
卻沒說: i love you dear

回過神才回想到; 給你的最後一個sms說道: dont nd to thank me...i did wat i did cos i love you

不想這麼快忘了你.也不想你那麼快忘記我. 是不是這種心態讓我連續在這四天的夜裡....在接下來的夜裡....繼續sms著你. 讓你知道我一天裡發生的事....

突發其想: 今年的生日,你還能陪我一起度過嗎?

電視廣告又播著情人節的訊息......
50022041: 孤獨的情人節

____________________________________________________________________________________

說些別的: i am allergic to DUST !!!!!!!
urguuu......除夕那天七早八早便去找醫生求診. 碰到了個豆腐醫生....還花了$48打了針!
真奇怪! 活了將近21年,才發現這種allergy........
更玄的是: 爸和媽好像也有同樣的敏感leh !!!!!!!!!!

超級怪怪怪!!!!

SHMILY

2005-02-09T23:15:00.000+08:00

never tested the link yet. (issue no: 2056)
but the story is pretty warm to the heart: See How Much I Love You
as i was scrolling down the email, the story reminded me of how i had said to you that i wish
我們可以在老的時候,一起手牽著手,在海邊看著每天的日出和日落. i remembered it was a late night sms and you replied that you cant confirmed with me about that because the future is unpredictable.
i was disappointed by that reply. oh well........

大年初一. 今年的年,不能過. 雖然感覺怪怪的但初一還是這樣過了.
沒了爺爺的存在感覺的確有點怪吧.雖然不是很親的爺孫關係但還是有些許的不習慣. 無時無刻還是會看著爺爺的房門口,望著他可能拿著拐杖從那兒走出來.
看著他的牌位,聽者爸,姑姑和叔叔們七嘴八舌的談著爺爺過世前的種種徵兆,只能感嘆一切也已成為回憶了.

家家有本念的經.
原本以為可以開心的和外婆過個年;沒想到卻是體會了另一個家庭的辛酸事.
人說母子之間沒隔夜仇;一個孤獨老人家面對著酷似冷血的孩子還有生活中的種種壓力...心事到底誰人知呢? 感嘆.....

當我正在嘆息今年的年真暗灘時; 你突如其來的sms了!
原來你去了油輪度假...希望你玩的開心.
jess 打了一封信給我. 前年的聖誕,她也寫了封信給我;祝福我們. 這次,卻是要心碎的我堅強點.
*haiz*
還能說些什麼呢? *i am not heartbroken, my heart was gone*

___________________________________________________________________

人經歷了打擊真的會做出出乎意料的事. (hm...現在也只有mcpt知道groundes ~thoughts~ 的存在)
記得以前在日記裡說道, 寫blog的人到底有什麼樣的心理?
現在的我,應該是希望能讓你讀到我內心在想什麼吧...就象以前在日記本子裡寫著希望你能閱讀我的每一則日記一樣.
現在的你在做什麼呢?icq現實著n/a mode的你在用著寶貝嗎?
23:52 我擱e-筆了.

我找到幸福了!

2005-02-08T20:03:00.000+08:00

i needed to get BUSY....
BUSY and i wont have time to think.

not juz thinking about you; its also thinking about what had happened; what could not have happened; how could i have avoided it; and how......could i bring us back?

BUSY and i wont have to weep to myself on the bus (late night buses @ 11 plus is really empty and bloody cold; oh well, i chose to sit at your favourite seat ~活該~)

i'm already trying hard not to think so much...or well, i can say, i found a way to stop being sad by being BUSY.
i still eat, i still sleep...its only during the night time when suddenly the loneliness, the sadness, the $)%*)*^$)%&^# (rubbishy thoughts) sets in.

on monday, i messaged you that 我找到幸福了! were you shock? or maybe you never take it to heart?
well, my 幸福is the lovely 麵包香in the bakery everyday...記得嗎?
when i said, "let me bring 幸福to you k?" do you know what i meant?

1. bringing the lovely warm bread to you
2. bringing happiness to you

i am sorry for holding on despite the promise to move on with life. i didnt mean to break the promise and its beyond my control....你明白的,對嗎?

你現在的感覺是什麼?

明天就是新的一年了.
希望自己快樂些. 希望你更加快樂!

德利法廊 `DeliFrance`

2005-02-08T19:31:00.000+08:00

my 4th day stint in Northpoint delifrance. and i realised the following!

1. jamin, my manager, is really like the BIG FRIENDLY GIANT. (and let me remind you...Jamin is a S-H-E, okie?) well, breakfast peak hours in the cafe is DAMNNNNNN stressful....and how does the monster let out her stress?
hm...she juz cried out leh!!!!! standing at the junction between the kitchen and the counter!!!!!!! *tian ah, die die i also never believed she's that SOLID, SERIOUS and DAMN STERN looking manager who had interviewed me that very day *telling me in the eye that, "let me tell you, at this outlet, everyone is like a BIG familiy" and "$3.50 per hour is really nothing, let me remind you, working here is an experience for you to learn..." hahahahahaha

and you know how to make her cry out louder? treat her (the BIG BOSS aka store manager) as any other CSA.........she'll really scream and vent out her 委屈 (even if its at the beverage station) wanting so badly, so badly to tell the customers in a 狠狠manner that: I AM THE BIG BOSS HERE!!! YOU WANT ME TO MAKE COFFEE FOR YOU??????????????????????

but well.........she'll still make the kopi after all the cries......*hahahhahahaha* jamin, 忍命啊!!!!

2. AH PIE is........a S-H-E as well mah??? that, i really not sure yet.
but well, "HE/SHE" does resemble that "HE/SHE" selling crokeries at that shop where the 老闆娘is forever having that sulky face (like that canA jap food stall loh).

haha and ah, "HE/SHE" is equally fun lah, juz that ah pie is the more 含蓄 type; em...maybe still 不熟吧! but "HE/SHE" taught me the most in terms of the drinks! heez.....thks ah, ah pie, though i got a bit confused with wat you and halifi (the 3rd Manager, everyone-@-northpoint outlet-is-HOT-except-him) time. hahahaz

3. and well, its quite a fun time so far; with all the funny managers around

4. thank you jamin, for your encouragment that i'm doing well so far! hahaha and that emphasis to nurul and khuma, "HEY....who hired her <--- refering to me one huh? JAMIN hire pple, all good one loh....unlike AH PIE"
*no reply from AH PIE who's stressed out by the damn long queue and HE/SHE was making sandwiches throughout......otherwise, you'll see another BREAD FIGHT between the managers!*

5. i may have learnt things fast...but well i need to practice more to get the hang of it. and well, to get the 2 cash registers to like me better.....it simply refuse to cooperate with me .....*sobz

doing a simple recall....i had really went through a lot of what i had always wanted to experience. its a world of customers is always right; and it's really satisfying for me when i could handle things well =) well, some accidents happened as well...(not forgetting the finger-almost-kena-chopped-off incident that occured when i was closing the sandwich bar; the dumb loosened coffee spout that sent the 2 coffee cups flying to the floor after committing suicide before that....and well, O-BI good lah, its handle cap cracked liao.....hahahhaa *i'm a P-I-G*)

some take-aways:
TEAM WORK is very important !

When there's joy and laughter, TEAM SPIRIT hypes up and gets the whole team working despite some rubbishy customers (oh, FINALLY you see me huh?) and the busy times

我會繼續加油的!

wat is xing fu to you?

2005-02-06T03:10:00.000+08:00

i reckon i'm not exactly a fussy pig ....

xing fu is just another subset of simplicity for me.

1. eating chocolates when the crave for it sets in
2. singing KTV with my freaky and dearest friends without fearing that i've yet to prepare for a presentation tmr (and got my fingers all turning PURPLE as a result of excessive nervousness)

and

3. being by your side and knowing that we are together
4. seeing you being so happy just because we bought the fish that you had always wanted......
5.
6.
7.
8. (the list of simplistic definitions of xing fu goes on)

simple, aint it?
wat is it you want that you thought you cant give me?
雨過....應該會天晴吧....

forgive me for holding on......i'm really sorry